museboxingring | I couldn't leave you there. (feat. Joseph)

I couldn't leave you there. (feat. Joseph)

[Joseph was still alive.

They kept him there, why? To prod at his brain some more? What could Joseph have that could keep him in this hellhole for any longer than he.

He thought they were over this, that they could walk it off and walk away.

But this shit was following them, and Joseph didn't follow him out of the building. Sebastian thought he was dead, he didn't know at all there was a possibility that he had still lived. Kidman shot him back there while attached to that freak machine. She set him free, they let him walk out of the building for air. To walk off any grogginess and pain, and to gauge just how much of what happened was even real.

He watched Leslie leave, vanish. Like a ghost that never existed.

Sebastian found it hard to believe, there was nothing he could do, it was another trick that his mind did.

And they won't be exposing that to Joseph anymore.

He received an anonymous tip from home, Sebastian still not have returned back to precinct since the incident for many reasons.

It must have been a few weeks, but he received a letter in the mail. Mail, one of the only things he brought himself to get outside. He took to drink heavily, and awoke one afternoon hungover and even groggier. But he became sober when he received a tip from that anonymous sender, no return address or name.

Just someone typing up something on a blank page in an envelope.

Joseph is still alive.

Someone knew. Someone knew him.

Sebastian suspected for a moment.

Someone he knew could only send this.

Then he stopped thinking. He grabbed his pistol and walked out his door. Speaking of crazy things, he was about to do one right now.]

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[Before Seb came on over, he stuffed something in his trench coat pocket.

Joseph lost a lot of weight, and he was completely a shell of himself. Seb got even angrier. At the same time though, he had to accept it. After all, what was going to happen to him now, well...

The yelling had stopped, and the moaning from the other patients were still mulled from the situation. Sebastian knelt down to Joseph's level, trying to keep it together.]

Hey, I got something.

[He reached into his pocket to retrieve Joseph's glasses, and even put it on his face for him the moment he stopped clenching it. He really wasn't himself at all, and he wanted to help him back on his feet. If he ever does get on his feet again. Seb had to stop thinking what they could've possibly done to screw Joseph this way; they even took his glasses from him.]

[Having a pair of hands so close to his face out of seemingly nowhere snapped him right back out of his little trance. He flinched and tried to back away, but the next moment, the glasses were placed on his face. The world that'd been blurred for god-knows-how-long slowly moved back into focus.

He could see.

His own hands moved to the glasses as well, fingers sliding along the frame. ...These glasses were his. They were important to him. They were special. Right. A few stray memories finally dawned. They surfaced on their own and that's what made them last. He remembered what a pain it was to grow up with bad eyesight. He remembered his grandfather. And one more thing.

It isn't so much about seeing as it is about feeling normal..

He finally glanced up the man before him again, a frown tugging at his features. It wasn't a stranger.]

... Seb...?

There he is.

[Sebastian gave a sigh of relief. Joseph was still there, that was good. Good. Great. Maybe not entirely there, because lord knows how much they prodded his poor brain. But he was able to at least recognize him, return to a semblance of his old demeanor, and realize who he was to him. Partner and friend, hopefully.

Calling him "Seb" was a bonus to that.

It's going to be a long road, but that was a start. He patted Joseph on the shoulder, slightly boney now. Christ...]

Yeah, it's Seb. I'm here to get you out of this dump. You're going home.

[Home... Home?

He had a home. He had a family waiting for him. That was right. But then... He couldn't go back to them. Not anymore. Not after having slaughtered dozens- possibly hundreds of... people? Or things that used to be people. He couldn't go home, not knowing how long it would be until that took hold of him again.]

...You can't. It's... It's too dangerous.

[Keeping him locked in a small, pillowed room would've been in everybody's best interest. The less people he could potentially harm, the better.]

Edited (wow, half my tag disappeared, there) 2015-08-22 20:14 (UTC)

[In the drop of hat, Seb responded.]

You're right, so we're going to my place. I got space and it's clean this time, you'll have a blast.

[Because he knew old Joseph yelled at him far too much for his unkempt ways. It was his attempt at a joke, he had to try. Joseph had to come back to Earth now that he left his space shuttle. Piece by piece, he hoped he could come back.

It wasn't going to be easy, but Joseph had a life to lead.

Seb couldn't say the same for him. He had to do what he could, he didn't have forever.

He actually planned to have him stay until he collected himself. He could tell his family that he had to go on a excursion for work and that it was top secret enough that he had to leave his phone.

Whatever, he had to make that convincing so Joseph could be at peace.]

[Seb's place... Joseph honestly couldn't picture anything right now. Maybe when he saw it, he'd remember, but until then he was drawing a blank. Was it big? Was it big enough for Seb to run if Joseph lost control again?

It seemed kind of like a wasted effort. He wasn't the person he used to be and moving him elsewhere wouldn't fix that. ... Would it? It didn't seem like it, right now.]

You should... You should just leave me here.

[Beacon Mental Hospital was always there, in the distance. Always to be seen. It was where everyone who got trapped in STEM belonged, really. The final destination for those who had the madness within drawn out of them.]

[Honestly, he kind of expected this from completely sane Joseph. He took a lot of things to heart when it came down to it, he hated being a burden. Sebastian noticed there was that bit of insecurity under than composure. Well now that insecurity was on top of the composure, so to speak.

As much as Sebastian knew Joseph's state was too unstable to hammer down anything hard, he had to be at least a little bit firm.

Because he wasn't going to leave his damn partner here.]

You shouldn't have been here in the first place. Trust me, don't let this place make you think you belong here.

You don't.

How can you know...?

[Seb wasn't around for most of the insanity, was he? It's hard to say for certain. Everything is one giant haze of darkness, blood and violence. ...In fact, weren't there even more people? Didn't a few others enter STEM with them? Who were they, again...?

What happened? He can't remember and it's terrifying.]

I woke up and walked outside. Got a taste of the real world again, it does wonders to you compared to this place.

[Joseph just didn't follow him. Which Seb regretted. Not that Seb was sane himself, he wasn't and won't be over what happened here. Not for a long time, if ever. Especially since he's...well.

He didn't know how to make it so Joseph could realize that he didn't belong here, that he should come. At least, not logically.

Most of Joseph's logic wasn't around anymore so Seb had to do something else.

He patted Joseph on the shoulder, in some reassurance.]

It's been a few weeks, and I thought you were dead. Then I learned you weren't.

You're not crazy, you were an experiment. They fed you bullshit hoping you would lose your common sense and think this place was better for you. They made you feel that way and that's on them, not you.

[The 'real world'? Even that seems like a faraway dream. How can he ever know for certain that he's in the real world? What if it's just a trick?

Seb's right; they did feed him bullshit. He has lost his common sense. Sure, they were the cause of it, but that doesn't change the effects it had on him. It doesn't change that he might hurt other people because he can't keep a firm grasp on his old self anymore.

He shivers and slings his arms across his chest, lowering his head. Seb wants him to keep going, but it's so hard to do that when you'd rather just lie down and die.]

I'm... I don't... [What is he even trying to say? He doesn't know. Words are spilling out, but there's no rhyme or reason to them.]

This place isn't you. They can't keep you.

[Seb just continued talking and reassuring, feeling like he was talking to Leslie. Which was probably an accurate thing to say.

Leslie was broken, and was broken for a long time. Joseph has a chance to not be broken.

He continued.]

You have every opportunity to never see this place again, to get better. No one says it'll be easy but...we never did things easy.

[Could he get better? He honestly didn't know. It didn't feel like it right now. Then again, it never did feel like it can get better when a person hits rock bottom, did it? He wanted to get better, that much was sure.]

So you really think... it's not too late?

[They let you out.

He almost said that, but he couldn't bring himself to. It wasn't entirely truthful. Seb bargained to let him out. A bargain that cost him anything. Else they would've prodded at his brain further and further, and then Joseph really would be...

But that was besides the point.

There was a lot he could be truthful about. He just wasn't telling him those things here, no way.]

It's not. You got this far at least. You always had a good head on your shoulders.

We just got to put the pieces all back together. Like a puzzle, or one of those toy robots.

[He couldn't help but let out a sound of bitter amusement. It wasn't quite a laugh- more like a breath. A "heh" coupled with a grimace that was almost painful. If he glanced down at his own body- his arms or any other part he could spot- sometimes he'd be sure he could still see his skin crawl in the literal sense. Then he'd wonder if it was just a trick of the light or not.

Those were the kind of doubts he might never be rid of.]

That's a lot of pieces, Seb... [He trailed off, then drew a deep breath through his nose.] But I don't think... I can change your mind, can I?

You better remember quick that it's hard to do that.

[He stood up finally and offered a hand, to assist him back to his feet. Joseph wasn't going to be alone. Seb wasn't leaving him. Not like he did last time. Not until this place ripped him away.

It was unintentional but it felt like he messed up, that was what Seb thought.]

Come on.

Edited 2015-08-30 00:39 (UTC)

[His fingers twitched in a sort of reflex before he reached out to take Sebastian's hand. After spending so much time stuck inside a place that was really just imaginary, then another few weeks being aggressively manhandled, a genuine kind touch felt foreign. Welcome, yet foreign.

He tried to push himself back to his feet with Seb's help, but his legs were still weak and his knees attempted to buckle within seconds, causing him to stumble right into the man across from him.]

[It's not like Joseph ever seemed all that heavy to begin with, but he was in obvious good health before. Joseph could hold himself up just fine in the past. That wasn't now. It felt so strange to see that Joseph looked like he lost enough weight and how he could barely stand up steady. When Joseph fell, Seb had to hold his ground. Joseph may be light, but hell if Sebastian was going to fall backwards and make this even worse.

Seb stumbled a little bit back before gripping on to Joseph's arm, as if he was holding him up.]

It's okay, we can work on this.

[That pep talk was for the both of them.]

Nice and easy, that's the first solid step you took in weeks.

Edited 2015-09-02 16:16 (UTC)

[First solid step in weeks? Really? It felt like months. Maybe even years. If it'd just been weeks, he could've still pulled himself together. He should've been able to pull himself together. It would've been shameful if he couldn't. He needed to pull himself together.

Except that his ears were ringing now. There was a definite ringing. The ground felt like it was spinning. ...Maybe he was having some kind of mild panic attack now. Or a stroke. Maybe STEM caused some kind of brain damage that would've killed him off within another few weeks. Maybe that would've been for the best.

He scrunched his eyes shut, fingers digging into the front of Sebastian's coat. At the moment, all he could do was focus on remaining conscious. If he passed out now, there was no telling where he might wake up. ...Or maybe this was the dream. Just hopeful illusion concocted by his despairing mind.

Don't lose this moment.]

[Joseph dug into his coat and Sebastian just simply stared. His brows furrowed in some despair. There wasn't a loss of hope per say, but there was a twinge of pain on his face. He looked at Joseph with sad eyes, feeling worse and worse for him.

Joseph would hate my pity, find something else to do to get his mind off of what bothered him. If it meant he couldn't feel worse than he already did.

But he had to remember, Joseph wasn't himself. They knocked him down. They kicked him. They took all of sense and reason, and left him broken.

He was a lab rat, was. But no longer.

Joseph needed someone, he couldn't do it alone. No matter how much Joseph would fight, and might sooner or later. Who knew?

Sebastian just knew he couldn't leave, and won't. Not until this place pried him away and dragged him back, he had this job to finish. Maybe he had so little time, but he had to believe this could work.

Joseph wasn't just his partner.

He was his friend.

So he raised up his arms and embraced the other man who was trying so hard to take those few steps. Seb had to let him know that there was that guy who was truly there to cushion his fall. It was why he was here. He knew going in that this wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't leaving yet.]

I'm here, Joseph.

[Joseph was so focused on fighting the urge to pass out that the feeling of arms around his back caught him by surprise. In fact, for a split second, it was almost alarming and his entire body tensed up as a result.

Still, it was Sebastian's voice- his words that explained the situation. It served to ground Joseph and draw his attention back to his surroundings. He could feel the fabric of Sebastian's coat between his fingers and he could smell... something he couldn't quite place. Cologne? Aftershave? Hair gel? Something that was mixed in with the smell of tobacco and alcohol, anyway. There were a lot smells. Maybe that was a firm indication that this was reality.

Please let it be real...!

It was pitiful, really, that it would come to this. He still couldn't remember everything, but he was sure that before now, Seb would never have comforted him like this. That they were never that close. ...In fact, hadn't Joseph done something to Sebastian that'd soured their friendship to some degree? What was that again? Was it something that he'd been forgiven for?]

I... I'm sorry.

[Forgiving was a rather large word, and honestly Sebastian didn't know how to apply that with Joseph. Maybe it was some odd sense of coming to realize how much he'd fucked up himself. It was like, well, how he much he'd rather hurt than Joseph hurting. Sebastian didn't ever want him punished, not truly. He resented what he did then, but he never hated Joseph.

It took him a while to understand where exactly to place those feelings he had. In some way, he just wanted this to be over. He wanted everyone to move on and do what they really wanted to do.

Sebastian was given that choice and he made it, and he was fine with that. But Joseph really deserved a chance to fully and truly choose where he wanted to be. Not a choice force fed to him through Mobius.

What happened then just seemed to fizzle into nothing; none of it mattered anymore. It won't after a while on its own, but Sebastian wanted to work through it. Through thick and thin, he always still cared about Joseph. He was still his friend. Probably one of the only ones he had left.

You better not fuck this up then.

He was just about to holster up Joseph to try again but then he heard a ring through his ear.

I'm sorry, the ringing said. Sebastian froze.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. That apology could mean a lot of things, but hearing it from Joseph made this come blowing out of the water. All of Sebastian's thoughts stopped and then he was the one bewildered here.

He had to know, was this was about collapsing on to him or was this about...something else?

He should know better than to be the one asking any deep questions but he really couldn't help himself but ask.]

Sorry? For what?

[For what? He didn't know why Sebastian would even need to ask. Wasn't it obvious? Didn't he realize how badly Joseph had fucked up? ...Or was it that Joseph had fucked up so many times, it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he was apologizing for?

...Yeah. That was probably it. He was useless, wasn't he? He was useless and he couldn't even succeed in something as simple as dying.

Forcing the words out became a chore. His chest felt like it was being squeezed shut between a vice. Something heavy and strong that could crush his lungs.]

For... F-for being... a worthless partner. I've been n-nothing but a burden.

[Sebastian had a better partner before him, didn't he? Joseph couldn't remember who it was, but he knew that much to be true. The only reason he was partnered up with Seb was to replace someone else. Someone superior who Joseph could've never lived up to. It'd been an impossible challenge right from the start.

So why? Why was Sebastian even still bothering to try and help him now?]

[More like Sebastian couldn't quite pin-point whether he was sorry for now or then. Both apologies were rather useless now, since Joseph was at such a bad state.

So, to Seb, that was the thing he didn't want to hear.

After all they had been through in STEM, Seb just couldn't think the same way. Joseph was there for him through that, they had supported each other.

There was a lot to think about, but Seb just...refused to talk about what was then. So, fact of the matter was, Joseph was not a useless partner. He was not a burden.

Sebastian really wanted to get that straight with him, right now.]

Bullshit.

[There was a tone with that word. The more he thought about things, the more poignant the feelings were. There was a lot Sebastian could have done himself, a lot of things he could've fixed before it got worse.]

I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you. Not just in this hellhole; dead, Joseph.

[Feelings weren't his strong suit at all, but those words weren't empty. They deserved to be followed up.]

You gave me a lot of lip when I needed a push. It might've seemed like I never appreciated what you've done as a partner but it did matter.

There are things I've done that I ain't proud of either. A lot of things I could've done better but hell if it didn't mean I thought you were a shitty partner. Because I didn't.

[Huh... Did he do that much for Seb? Really? He couldn't remember. He wished it was different; that he could recall what life was like before STEM. Was he happy, back then? Was Seb? It was all a huge blur. It was being drowned out by visions of blood, violence, darkness and screaming.

As it was, all he could do was take Seb's word for it. His partner wouldn't lie, would he?

...Partners. They were partners. The more he focused on that word, the more meaning it got. They were supposed to look out for one another. They were supposed to complement one another. Like a left hand and a right hand; mirror images, but the perfect combination.

Maybe... Maybe he could remember.]

I'm... glad. Glad that you think so.

[What else was he supposed to say to that? It was hard to come up with the right words anyway.

He drew another deep breath, a stinging pain shooting through his ribcage as he did so. A migraine kept increasing, then waning at seemingly random intervals. He couldn't remember what it was like to be healthy, either.]

Edited 2015-09-09 20:24 (UTC)

[That was it, Sebastian had enough. Joseph needed help, and badly. He needed food, space, he needed to get away from here.

His partner needed his damn help, that was why he came over. That was why he--]

I'll help you walk if I have to. But you're getting the hell out of this place.

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