Sebastian Castellanos (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
badcopbrains) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
museboxingring2015-08-21 03:55 am
badcopbrains) wrote in museboxingring2015-08-21 03:55 am
I couldn't leave you there. (feat. Joseph)
[Joseph was still alive.
They kept him there, why? To prod at his brain some more? What could Joseph have that could keep him in this hellhole for any longer than he.
He thought they were over this, that they could walk it off and walk away.
But this shit was following them, and Joseph didn't follow him out of the building. Sebastian thought he was dead, he didn't know at all there was a possibility that he had still lived. Kidman shot him back there while attached to that freak machine. She set him free, they let him walk out of the building for air. To walk off any grogginess and pain, and to gauge just how much of what happened was even real.
He watched Leslie leave, vanish. Like a ghost that never existed.
Sebastian found it hard to believe, there was nothing he could do, it was another trick that his mind did.
And they won't be exposing that to Joseph anymore.
He received an anonymous tip from home, Sebastian still not have returned back to precinct since the incident for many reasons.
It must have been a few weeks, but he received a letter in the mail. Mail, one of the only things he brought himself to get outside. He took to drink heavily, and awoke one afternoon hungover and even groggier. But he became sober when he received a tip from that anonymous sender, no return address or name.
Just someone typing up something on a blank page in an envelope.
Joseph is still alive.
Someone knew. Someone knew him.
Sebastian suspected for a moment.
Someone he knew could only send this.
Then he stopped thinking. He grabbed his pistol and walked out his door. Speaking of crazy things, he was about to do one right now.]
They kept him there, why? To prod at his brain some more? What could Joseph have that could keep him in this hellhole for any longer than he.
He thought they were over this, that they could walk it off and walk away.
But this shit was following them, and Joseph didn't follow him out of the building. Sebastian thought he was dead, he didn't know at all there was a possibility that he had still lived. Kidman shot him back there while attached to that freak machine. She set him free, they let him walk out of the building for air. To walk off any grogginess and pain, and to gauge just how much of what happened was even real.
He watched Leslie leave, vanish. Like a ghost that never existed.
Sebastian found it hard to believe, there was nothing he could do, it was another trick that his mind did.
And they won't be exposing that to Joseph anymore.
He received an anonymous tip from home, Sebastian still not have returned back to precinct since the incident for many reasons.
It must have been a few weeks, but he received a letter in the mail. Mail, one of the only things he brought himself to get outside. He took to drink heavily, and awoke one afternoon hungover and even groggier. But he became sober when he received a tip from that anonymous sender, no return address or name.
Just someone typing up something on a blank page in an envelope.
Joseph is still alive.
Someone knew. Someone knew him.
Sebastian suspected for a moment.
Someone he knew could only send this.
Then he stopped thinking. He grabbed his pistol and walked out his door. Speaking of crazy things, he was about to do one right now.]
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Except that his ears were ringing now. There was a definite ringing. The ground felt like it was spinning. ...Maybe he was having some kind of mild panic attack now. Or a stroke. Maybe STEM caused some kind of brain damage that would've killed him off within another few weeks. Maybe that would've been for the best.
He scrunched his eyes shut, fingers digging into the front of Sebastian's coat. At the moment, all he could do was focus on remaining conscious. If he passed out now, there was no telling where he might wake up. ...Or maybe this was the dream. Just hopeful illusion concocted by his despairing mind.
Don't lose this moment.]
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Joseph would hate my pity, find something else to do to get his mind off of what bothered him. If it meant he couldn't feel worse than he already did.
But he had to remember, Joseph wasn't himself. They knocked him down. They kicked him. They took all of sense and reason, and left him broken.
He was a lab rat, was. But no longer.
Joseph needed someone, he couldn't do it alone. No matter how much Joseph would fight, and might sooner or later. Who knew?
Sebastian just knew he couldn't leave, and won't. Not until this place pried him away and dragged him back, he had this job to finish. Maybe he had so little time, but he had to believe this could work.
Joseph wasn't just his partner.
He was his friend.
So he raised up his arms and embraced the other man who was trying so hard to take those few steps. Seb had to let him know that there was that guy who was truly there to cushion his fall. It was why he was here. He knew going in that this wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't leaving yet.]
I'm here, Joseph.
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Still, it was Sebastian's voice- his words that explained the situation. It served to ground Joseph and draw his attention back to his surroundings. He could feel the fabric of Sebastian's coat between his fingers and he could smell... something he couldn't quite place. Cologne? Aftershave? Hair gel? Something that was mixed in with the smell of tobacco and alcohol, anyway. There were a lot smells. Maybe that was a firm indication that this was reality.
Please let it be real...!
It was pitiful, really, that it would come to this. He still couldn't remember everything, but he was sure that before now, Seb would never have comforted him like this. That they were never that close. ...In fact, hadn't Joseph done something to Sebastian that'd soured their friendship to some degree? What was that again? Was it something that he'd been forgiven for?]
I... I'm sorry.
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It took him a while to understand where exactly to place those feelings he had. In some way, he just wanted this to be over. He wanted everyone to move on and do what they really wanted to do.
Sebastian was given that choice and he made it, and he was fine with that. But Joseph really deserved a chance to fully and truly choose where he wanted to be. Not a choice force fed to him through Mobius.
What happened then just seemed to fizzle into nothing; none of it mattered anymore. It won't after a while on its own, but Sebastian wanted to work through it. Through thick and thin, he always still cared about Joseph. He was still his friend. Probably one of the only ones he had left.
You better not fuck this up then.
He was just about to holster up Joseph to try again but then he heard a ring through his ear.
I'm sorry, the ringing said. Sebastian froze.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. That apology could mean a lot of things, but hearing it from Joseph made this come blowing out of the water. All of Sebastian's thoughts stopped and then he was the one bewildered here.
He had to know, was this was about collapsing on to him or was this about...something else?
He should know better than to be the one asking any deep questions but he really couldn't help himself but ask.]
Sorry? For what?
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...Yeah. That was probably it. He was useless, wasn't he? He was useless and he couldn't even succeed in something as simple as dying.
Forcing the words out became a chore. His chest felt like it was being squeezed shut between a vice. Something heavy and strong that could crush his lungs.]
For... F-for being... a worthless partner. I've been n-nothing but a burden.
[Sebastian had a better partner before him, didn't he? Joseph couldn't remember who it was, but he knew that much to be true. The only reason he was partnered up with Seb was to replace someone else. Someone superior who Joseph could've never lived up to. It'd been an impossible challenge right from the start.
So why? Why was Sebastian even still bothering to try and help him now?]
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So, to Seb, that was the thing he didn't want to hear.
After all they had been through in STEM, Seb just couldn't think the same way. Joseph was there for him through that, they had supported each other.
There was a lot to think about, but Seb just...refused to talk about what was then. So, fact of the matter was, Joseph was not a useless partner. He was not a burden.
Sebastian really wanted to get that straight with him, right now.]
Bullshit.
[There was a tone with that word. The more he thought about things, the more poignant the feelings were. There was a lot Sebastian could have done himself, a lot of things he could've fixed before it got worse.]
I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you. Not just in this hellhole; dead, Joseph.
[Feelings weren't his strong suit at all, but those words weren't empty. They deserved to be followed up.]
You gave me a lot of lip when I needed a push. It might've seemed like I never appreciated what you've done as a partner but it did matter.
There are things I've done that I ain't proud of either. A lot of things I could've done better but hell if it didn't mean I thought you were a shitty partner. Because I didn't.
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As it was, all he could do was take Seb's word for it. His partner wouldn't lie, would he?
...Partners. They were partners. The more he focused on that word, the more meaning it got. They were supposed to look out for one another. They were supposed to complement one another. Like a left hand and a right hand; mirror images, but the perfect combination.
Maybe... Maybe he could remember.]
I'm... glad. Glad that you think so.
[What else was he supposed to say to that? It was hard to come up with the right words anyway.
He drew another deep breath, a stinging pain shooting through his ribcage as he did so. A migraine kept increasing, then waning at seemingly random intervals. He couldn't remember what it was like to be healthy, either.]
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His partner needed his damn help, that was why he came over. That was why he--]
I'll help you walk if I have to. But you're getting the hell out of this place.
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He had to stand tall, both in the literal and figurative sense.
His fingers dug into Sebastian's coat one last time, then he focused all his attention on pushing himself up. On getting his legs to straighten themselves out and support his weight. On stretching his spine, despite how much he still wanted to curl into a little ball.]
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All bases were covered. Sebastian started to walk, knowing well that he could do this. Joseph wasn't heavy, he got this.]
One step at a time. Slowly.
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Even so, he came to realize the moment he raised a foot that Seb would have to support some of his weight. It'd become obvious to Seb as well, because the only way for Joseph to really stay upright while moving one foot would be to lean into him.
It was going to be a long, awkward walk to that elevator.]
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Sebastian made sure he used his one of his feet to kick the box of Joseph's belongings into the elevator. He couldn't forget that, no sir.
Once they were inside, he tried to fumble with the buttons. First floor, there. Done. Part one completed, they were on their way out of this place for good. At least for Joseph. Sebastian made sure he drowned out every other noise or incoming thought about that, he tried to really keep his focus on Joseph.
The elevator made a lurch and made it ascent. Some more idle talk, yes?
Sebastian motioned to the box.]
Got your other things too, right here.
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He tensed and closed his eyes. That way, if the doors opened to reveal something horrifying, he wouldn't have to see it just yet.
Sebastian was pulling him out of that 'safety', though.]
Other... things? [He couldn't remember what other things he was supposed to have with him. Shoes, maybe. Shoes would be helpful.]
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They didn't have much time and he wanted to have a good sit and drink with Joseph before it all ended. That was his goal. If Joseph can find it in him to return to the force, even better.
That was what was on Joseph's person as he arrived in this place, he was a darn cop.]
Shoes, your old clothes, your badge...all here.
/jumps into icon alt
He'd loved being a detective, before. Now, at least for the moment, he resented that title.]
Right... Right.
[He raised a hand to his face- (gloves? Shouldn't he also have gloves? Are they in the box too?)- rubbing two fingers along the nook between his eyebrows. Then his hand moved further onward, all the way through his hair and to the back of his head. There was something... wasn't there...?
Wasn't that where they stuck the enormous needle that went all the way into his brain? The connection to the machine? Or was that just part of the illusion too?]
heheheheh
Joseph now just looked tired, which was something Sebastian knew he could probably fix.
When it came to the box of things, Sebastian decided to drop that for now. They would get to it when they get to it. It probably all still felt surreal for Joseph. After all, Sebastian was hooked on to that machine too. Nothing felt real or made sense to him when he left. He just wanted some air to clear his head, or try to. Sebastian wasn't "right" yet, and won't really get the chance to heal completely if he were honest with himself.
The rest of the elevator ride was oddly silent, Seb had no clue how to continue that line of dialogue.
When the door would open, they were greeted by the halls that led to the main lobby. The mood was very different, the halls were well lit and there were plenty of windows. It looked like a regular hospital wing.]
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Despite the cheerful warm light, Joseph cringed and backed further into the wall when the doors slid open. No, it was because of the light that he had to recoil. It was too bright. Too different from the darkness he'd gotten used to. It'd leave him too exposed.
The hand that was on the back of his head slid back towards his face, shielding his eyes. Meanwhile, the other hand pressed itself against the elevator wall to hold him steady. He drew a deep, shuddering breath.]
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Unless they let her go home, which was also possible. She went through a lot of trauma today, oops.
An employee came to them in the elevator. Calmly, and collectively, he grabbed the cardboard box with Joseph's things. "Let me help with that, sir."]
Car's outside, thanks.
[So now he could just worry about getting Joseph out these last few doors. He walked him out of the elevator, so slowly in hopes he could get adjusted to the light.]
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Being led through the halls was like being led to the gallows. If not those, then something else equally ominous. A guillotine, a bloodied up electric chair, an enormous meat grinder capable of turning a human body to mulch. ... All of those things sounded far too familiar.
The people they passed were staring- he could feel their eyes pricking into him. They must've thought he was another patient. Utterly out of his mind. He felt out of his mind. Any second now, the people in charge were going to realize they'd made a mistake and toss him right back in there; he was sure of it.]
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He was right next to Joseph as he walked through the halls and eventually the open lobby. Oblivious faces were there, but also was the desk lady's. Sebastian continued to pretend to ignore her. That was, until she decided to speak up herself.
"C-Congratulations, Mr. Oda for being discharged. W-we hope there's a brighter future outside those doors."
She was paid to say that, obviously. Or maybe not, who knew. Sebastian would never know if she was at all sympathetic to what had happened or she just wanted her own job secured all sacred like. None of this mattered nor will it later.]
We're almost there, you're doing great.
[Even if Sebastian was walking him every step of the way. They finally reached the doors right to the outside. He reached to grab them, and he stopped.
He had an idea.]
There. You do the honors.
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In the end, all he could do was squint her way as they passed her.
And then they reached the doors. Joseph couldn't quite recognize them- his memories of entering Beacon Mental Hospital were already far too faded. Still, he knew these had to be the doors that would lead to the outside. He didn't trust it. He couldn't trust it.
Something was dawning on him just by looking at the exit. An irrational, illogical fear that couldn't be reasoned away, because STEM had been quite irrational and illogical. What if, the second he touched the handles, both doors would crumble at his touch? What if the entire wall- the entire building would crumble? Or gravity would stop working, or the floor would swallow him up?
It's real. It's real. Don't worry about it, it's real.
But what if it wasn't? What if he was deluding himself and raising his own hopes only to have them crushed again? He didn't want to find out. Maybe if Sebastian opened the doors, it would be safe. If Sebastian was part of the delusion, it'd cooperate with him and nothing bad would happen.
A shake of the head as he scrunched his eyes shut. ]
... No.
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He had to try even harder. So Seb used the hand wrapped around his waist and extended it to grab his hand.
This was awkward as hell but he had to do it.
He moved Joseph's hand to grab the handlebars of the door.]
You really should. At least half of it.
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Much as he tried to pour all his effort into convincing himself that there was nothing to fear- that it was just Sebastian- his hand being moved towards the door just sent him into a further frenzy.]
I said NO! [His shout was bound to draw unwanted attention, but he didn't even care. He was too busy trying to tug his hand out of Sebastian's grip again.]
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But that was all Sebastian knew what to do in a situation like this. It got them this far. As far as he could remember a few moments ago, Joseph was just fine in his little padded cell because that became his life for the few weeks that passed.
All of the images swirled in is mind. This would all soon be him, probably. But at least he was here by his own choice. It was a decision he made willingly. It's on paper. Literally. He knew Joseph didn't want this, deep inside. But Joseph forgot how it was to live. By George, Sebastian didn't want him to waste any of it.
Not like he did. Joseph was too good of a guy for that.
If anyone looked, Sebastian didn't give a shit. He decided to try to push forward, just get outside. Outside, where it's the fucking real world and not a world made up.
Maybe it was harsh of him then, but Sebastian used his hand to push the door open despite Joseph's struggling.]
Dammit Joseph, if the only way for you to see that this is real is going outside then we gotta open the door. Even if I gotta do most of the damn work, this door is opening.
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That wasn't the problem. What was the problem was his hand touching the door. He didn't want to be the one to open the way. He didn't want interact with the surroundings on too great a level because if he did, he'd be more likely to trigger a trap. It'd be like poking a sleeping bear.
So he fought back. He dug his heels into the floor and pushed back as far as he could, trying to wriggle his way out of Sebastian's hold. If that meant he'd fall to the floor, then so be it. Just so long as his fingertips wouldn't touch the exit.]
NO! Sebastian, don't! Let GO of me!
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THAT ICON FUCKING GOD ;;
MUAHAHAH
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