I couldn't leave you there. (feat. Joseph)

[badcopbrains]

[Joseph was still alive.

They kept him there, why? To prod at his brain some more? What could Joseph have that could keep him in this hellhole for any longer than he.

He thought they were over this, that they could walk it off and walk away.

But this shit was following them, and Joseph didn't follow him out of the building. Sebastian thought he was dead, he didn't know at all there was a possibility that he had still lived. Kidman shot him back there while attached to that freak machine. She set him free, they let him walk out of the building for air. To walk off any grogginess and pain, and to gauge just how much of what happened was even real.

He watched Leslie leave, vanish. Like a ghost that never existed.

Sebastian found it hard to believe, there was nothing he could do, it was another trick that his mind did.

And they won't be exposing that to Joseph anymore.

He received an anonymous tip from home, Sebastian still not have returned back to precinct since the incident for many reasons.

It must have been a few weeks, but he received a letter in the mail. Mail, one of the only things he brought himself to get outside. He took to drink heavily, and awoke one afternoon hungover and even groggier. But he became sober when he received a tip from that anonymous sender, no return address or name.

Just someone typing up something on a blank page in an envelope.

Joseph is still alive.

Someone knew. Someone knew him.

Sebastian suspected for a moment.

Someone he knew could only send this.

Then he stopped thinking. He grabbed his pistol and walked out his door. Speaking of crazy things, he was about to do one right now.]

Comments

[urgetojump]

[Could he get better? He honestly didn't know. It didn't feel like it right now. Then again, it never did feel like it can get better when a person hits rock bottom, did it? He wanted to get better, that much was sure.]

So you really think... it's not too late?

[badcopbrains]

[They let you out.

He almost said that, but he couldn't bring himself to. It wasn't entirely truthful. Seb bargained to let him out. A bargain that cost him anything. Else they would've prodded at his brain further and further, and then Joseph really would be...

But that was besides the point.

There was a lot he could be truthful about. He just wasn't telling him those things here, no way.]

It's not. You got this far at least. You always had a good head on your shoulders.

We just got to put the pieces all back together. Like a puzzle, or one of those toy robots.

[urgetojump]

[He couldn't help but let out a sound of bitter amusement. It wasn't quite a laugh- more like a breath. A "heh" coupled with a grimace that was almost painful. If he glanced down at his own body- his arms or any other part he could spot- sometimes he'd be sure he could still see his skin crawl in the literal sense. Then he'd wonder if it was just a trick of the light or not.

Those were the kind of doubts he might never be rid of.]

That's a lot of pieces, Seb... [He trailed off, then drew a deep breath through his nose.] But I don't think... I can change your mind, can I?

[badcopbrains]

You better remember quick that it's hard to do that.

[He stood up finally and offered a hand, to assist him back to his feet. Joseph wasn't going to be alone. Seb wasn't leaving him. Not like he did last time. Not until this place ripped him away.

It was unintentional but it felt like he messed up, that was what Seb thought.]

Come on.

[urgetojump]

[His fingers twitched in a sort of reflex before he reached out to take Sebastian's hand. After spending so much time stuck inside a place that was really just imaginary, then another few weeks being aggressively manhandled, a genuine kind touch felt foreign. Welcome, yet foreign.

He tried to push himself back to his feet with Seb's help, but his legs were still weak and his knees attempted to buckle within seconds, causing him to stumble right into the man across from him.]

[badcopbrains]

[It's not like Joseph ever seemed all that heavy to begin with, but he was in obvious good health before. Joseph could hold himself up just fine in the past. That wasn't now. It felt so strange to see that Joseph looked like he lost enough weight and how he could barely stand up steady. When Joseph fell, Seb had to hold his ground. Joseph may be light, but hell if Sebastian was going to fall backwards and make this even worse.

Seb stumbled a little bit back before gripping on to Joseph's arm, as if he was holding him up.]

It's okay, we can work on this.

[That pep talk was for the both of them.]

Nice and easy, that's the first solid step you took in weeks.

[urgetojump]

[First solid step in weeks? Really? It felt like months. Maybe even years. If it'd just been weeks, he could've still pulled himself together. He should've been able to pull himself together. It would've been shameful if he couldn't. He needed to pull himself together.

Except that his ears were ringing now. There was a definite ringing. The ground felt like it was spinning. ...Maybe he was having some kind of mild panic attack now. Or a stroke. Maybe STEM caused some kind of brain damage that would've killed him off within another few weeks. Maybe that would've been for the best.

He scrunched his eyes shut, fingers digging into the front of Sebastian's coat. At the moment, all he could do was focus on remaining conscious. If he passed out now, there was no telling where he might wake up. ...Or maybe this was the dream. Just hopeful illusion concocted by his despairing mind.

Don't lose this moment.]

[badcopbrains]

[Joseph dug into his coat and Sebastian just simply stared. His brows furrowed in some despair. There wasn't a loss of hope per say, but there was a twinge of pain on his face. He looked at Joseph with sad eyes, feeling worse and worse for him.

Joseph would hate my pity, find something else to do to get his mind off of what bothered him. If it meant he couldn't feel worse than he already did.

But he had to remember, Joseph wasn't himself. They knocked him down. They kicked him. They took all of sense and reason, and left him broken.

He was a lab rat, was. But no longer.

Joseph needed someone, he couldn't do it alone. No matter how much Joseph would fight, and might sooner or later. Who knew?

Sebastian just knew he couldn't leave, and won't. Not until this place pried him away and dragged him back, he had this job to finish. Maybe he had so little time, but he had to believe this could work.

Joseph wasn't just his partner.

He was his friend.

So he raised up his arms and embraced the other man who was trying so hard to take those few steps. Seb had to let him know that there was that guy who was truly there to cushion his fall. It was why he was here. He knew going in that this wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't leaving yet.]

I'm here, Joseph.

[urgetojump]

[Joseph was so focused on fighting the urge to pass out that the feeling of arms around his back caught him by surprise. In fact, for a split second, it was almost alarming and his entire body tensed up as a result.

Still, it was Sebastian's voice- his words that explained the situation. It served to ground Joseph and draw his attention back to his surroundings. He could feel the fabric of Sebastian's coat between his fingers and he could smell... something he couldn't quite place. Cologne? Aftershave? Hair gel? Something that was mixed in with the smell of tobacco and alcohol, anyway. There were a lot smells. Maybe that was a firm indication that this was reality.

Please let it be real...!

It was pitiful, really, that it would come to this. He still couldn't remember everything, but he was sure that before now, Seb would never have comforted him like this. That they were never that close. ...In fact, hadn't Joseph done something to Sebastian that'd soured their friendship to some degree? What was that again? Was it something that he'd been forgiven for?]

I... I'm sorry.

[badcopbrains]

[Forgiving was a rather large word, and honestly Sebastian didn't know how to apply that with Joseph. Maybe it was some odd sense of coming to realize how much he'd fucked up himself. It was like, well, how he much he'd rather hurt than Joseph hurting. Sebastian didn't ever want him punished, not truly. He resented what he did then, but he never hated Joseph.

It took him a while to understand where exactly to place those feelings he had. In some way, he just wanted this to be over. He wanted everyone to move on and do what they really wanted to do.

Sebastian was given that choice and he made it, and he was fine with that. But Joseph really deserved a chance to fully and truly choose where he wanted to be. Not a choice force fed to him through Mobius.

What happened then just seemed to fizzle into nothing; none of it mattered anymore. It won't after a while on its own, but Sebastian wanted to work through it. Through thick and thin, he always still cared about Joseph. He was still his friend. Probably one of the only ones he had left.

You better not fuck this up then.

He was just about to holster up Joseph to try again but then he heard a ring through his ear.

I'm sorry, the ringing said. Sebastian froze.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. That apology could mean a lot of things, but hearing it from Joseph made this come blowing out of the water. All of Sebastian's thoughts stopped and then he was the one bewildered here.

He had to know, was this was about collapsing on to him or was this about...something else?

He should know better than to be the one asking any deep questions but he really couldn't help himself but ask.]

Sorry? For what?

[urgetojump]

[For what? He didn't know why Sebastian would even need to ask. Wasn't it obvious? Didn't he realize how badly Joseph had fucked up? ...Or was it that Joseph had fucked up so many times, it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he was apologizing for?

...Yeah. That was probably it. He was useless, wasn't he? He was useless and he couldn't even succeed in something as simple as dying.

Forcing the words out became a chore. His chest felt like it was being squeezed shut between a vice. Something heavy and strong that could crush his lungs.]

For... F-for being... a worthless partner. I've been n-nothing but a burden.

[Sebastian had a better partner before him, didn't he? Joseph couldn't remember who it was, but he knew that much to be true. The only reason he was partnered up with Seb was to replace someone else. Someone superior who Joseph could've never lived up to. It'd been an impossible challenge right from the start.

So why? Why was Sebastian even still bothering to try and help him now?]

[badcopbrains]

[More like Sebastian couldn't quite pin-point whether he was sorry for now or then. Both apologies were rather useless now, since Joseph was at such a bad state.

So, to Seb, that was the thing he didn't want to hear.

After all they had been through in STEM, Seb just couldn't think the same way. Joseph was there for him through that, they had supported each other.

There was a lot to think about, but Seb just...refused to talk about what was then. So, fact of the matter was, Joseph was not a useless partner. He was not a burden.

Sebastian really wanted to get that straight with him, right now.]

Bullshit.

[There was a tone with that word. The more he thought about things, the more poignant the feelings were. There was a lot Sebastian could have done himself, a lot of things he could've fixed before it got worse.]

I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you. Not just in this hellhole; dead, Joseph.

[Feelings weren't his strong suit at all, but those words weren't empty. They deserved to be followed up.]

You gave me a lot of lip when I needed a push. It might've seemed like I never appreciated what you've done as a partner but it did matter.

There are things I've done that I ain't proud of either. A lot of things I could've done better but hell if it didn't mean I thought you were a shitty partner. Because I didn't.

[urgetojump]

[Huh... Did he do that much for Seb? Really? He couldn't remember. He wished it was different; that he could recall what life was like before STEM. Was he happy, back then? Was Seb? It was all a huge blur. It was being drowned out by visions of blood, violence, darkness and screaming.

As it was, all he could do was take Seb's word for it. His partner wouldn't lie, would he?

...Partners. They were partners. The more he focused on that word, the more meaning it got. They were supposed to look out for one another. They were supposed to complement one another. Like a left hand and a right hand; mirror images, but the perfect combination.

Maybe... Maybe he could remember.]

I'm... glad. Glad that you think so.

[What else was he supposed to say to that? It was hard to come up with the right words anyway.

He drew another deep breath, a stinging pain shooting through his ribcage as he did so. A migraine kept increasing, then waning at seemingly random intervals. He couldn't remember what it was like to be healthy, either.]

[badcopbrains]

[That was it, Sebastian had enough. Joseph needed help, and badly. He needed food, space, he needed to get away from here.

His partner needed his damn help, that was why he came over. That was why he--]

I'll help you walk if I have to. But you're getting the hell out of this place.

[urgetojump]

[Joseph definitely needed all those those things, and then some. He had a chance to get better. Seb believed in that chance, so Joseph would have to believe in it too. The biggest issue would be fighting through his current state to get to the better times.

He had to stand tall, both in the literal and figurative sense.

His fingers dug into Sebastian's coat one last time, then he focused all his attention on pushing himself up. On getting his legs to straighten themselves out and support his weight. On stretching his spine, despite how much he still wanted to curl into a little ball.]

[badcopbrains]

[Sebastian was going to do his best too. In order for Joseph to straighten himself up, he threw his arm around his waist for support. That way, he could keep Joseph supported from the torso down. Using his free hand, he grabbed one of Joseph's and wrapped in around Sebastian's neck.

All bases were covered. Sebastian started to walk, knowing well that he could do this. Joseph wasn't heavy, he got this.]

One step at a time. Slowly.

[urgetojump]

[One step at a time... Right. He could do that. Even someone like him could do that.

Even so, he came to realize the moment he raised a foot that Seb would have to support some of his weight. It'd become obvious to Seb as well, because the only way for Joseph to really stay upright while moving one foot would be to lean into him.

It was going to be a long, awkward walk to that elevator.]

[badcopbrains]

[It took a few moments before they actually reached that damn elevator. About a minute or so, longer if Joseph seemed to stumble even as he was being half carried. It felt like forever, but he kept going and they finally reached a destination of many.

Sebastian made sure he used his one of his feet to kick the box of Joseph's belongings into the elevator. He couldn't forget that, no sir.

Once they were inside, he tried to fumble with the buttons. First floor, there. Done. Part one completed, they were on their way out of this place for good. At least for Joseph. Sebastian made sure he drowned out every other noise or incoming thought about that, he tried to really keep his focus on Joseph.

The elevator made a lurch and made it ascent. Some more idle talk, yes?

Sebastian motioned to the box.]

Got your other things too, right here.

[urgetojump]

[Joseph had never had a problem with elevators before. He'd never been even remotely claustrophobic or entertained ideas that something could go horribly wrong. STEM changed that, to some degree. Now there was something about being locked in a small box- one that was moving- that made him uneasy.

He tensed and closed his eyes. That way, if the doors opened to reveal something horrifying, he wouldn't have to see it just yet.

Sebastian was pulling him out of that 'safety', though.]

Other... things? [He couldn't remember what other things he was supposed to have with him. Shoes, maybe. Shoes would be helpful.]

[badcopbrains]

[Sebastian just tried to keep supporting up Joseph. Especially if he got a headache again, he could be a first responder to it. They were getting out of here and going home, or well, Seb's home for the time being. He could crash and rest at whatever leisure he could possibly muster. Seb never rested comfortably and he won't now, but he could pretend for Joseph if it meant he could rest and move on.

They didn't have much time and he wanted to have a good sit and drink with Joseph before it all ended. That was his goal. If Joseph can find it in him to return to the force, even better.

That was what was on Joseph's person as he arrived in this place, he was a darn cop.]

Shoes, your old clothes, your badge...all here.

/jumps into icon alt

[ahighplace]

[Clothes... Badge... Right. Yes. Badge. He'd had a badge with him. A whole lot of good that'd done him. Being a cop hadn't made the people who'd tossed him into that hellhole think twice. His police training had made sure he'd survived longer than most of those other poor saps, that was about it.

He'd loved being a detective, before. Now, at least for the moment, he resented that title.]

Right... Right.

[He raised a hand to his face- (gloves? Shouldn't he also have gloves? Are they in the box too?)- rubbing two fingers along the nook between his eyebrows. Then his hand moved further onward, all the way through his hair and to the back of his head. There was something... wasn't there...?

Wasn't that where they stuck the enormous needle that went all the way into his brain? The connection to the machine? Or was that just part of the illusion too?]

heheheheh

[badcopbrains]

[Sebastian didn't know how to respond to that practically dismissive remark. Though maybe it was a bit of a relief too, it was very "Joseph-y". He hoped that the further Joseph got away and was able to breathe, the more pieces of himself he could collect.

Joseph now just looked tired, which was something Sebastian knew he could probably fix.

When it came to the box of things, Sebastian decided to drop that for now. They would get to it when they get to it. It probably all still felt surreal for Joseph. After all, Sebastian was hooked on to that machine too. Nothing felt real or made sense to him when he left. He just wanted some air to clear his head, or try to. Sebastian wasn't "right" yet, and won't really get the chance to heal completely if he were honest with himself.

The rest of the elevator ride was oddly silent, Seb had no clue how to continue that line of dialogue.

When the door would open, they were greeted by the halls that led to the main lobby. The mood was very different, the halls were well lit and there were plenty of windows. It looked like a regular hospital wing.]

[urgetojump]

[The silence was fine. It meant Joseph wouldn't have to force himself to talk, either. It'd be a good distraction, but it took up so much effort. If there was still a whole trip ahead of them, he'd be better off saving his energy for that.

Despite the cheerful warm light, Joseph cringed and backed further into the wall when the doors slid open. No, it was because of the light that he had to recoil. It was too bright. Too different from the darkness he'd gotten used to. It'd leave him too exposed.

The hand that was on the back of his head slid back towards his face, shielding his eyes. Meanwhile, the other hand pressed itself against the elevator wall to hold him steady. He drew a deep, shuddering breath.]

[badcopbrains]

[He knew that would be much for Joseph. Sebastian made sure he still had a good grip on him as he recoiled backwards. Now the real test began, they were ever inching so close to the real world again. It would only take a few more halls and one last awkward walk through the lobby, probably face to face with that desk lady again.

Unless they let her go home, which was also possible. She went through a lot of trauma today, oops.

An employee came to them in the elevator. Calmly, and collectively, he grabbed the cardboard box with Joseph's things. "Let me help with that, sir."]

Car's outside, thanks.

[So now he could just worry about getting Joseph out these last few doors. He walked him out of the elevator, so slowly in hopes he could get adjusted to the light.]

[urgetojump]

[Joseph would've recoiled even further into a corner of the elevator if it were possible, but Sebastian's grip made it impossible. He was in no state to break free of that, at the moment. The employee who appeared to take the box was barely even noticed.

Being led through the halls was like being led to the gallows. If not those, then something else equally ominous. A guillotine, a bloodied up electric chair, an enormous meat grinder capable of turning a human body to mulch. ... All of those things sounded far too familiar.

The people they passed were staring- he could feel their eyes pricking into him. They must've thought he was another patient. Utterly out of his mind. He felt out of his mind. Any second now, the people in charge were going to realize they'd made a mistake and toss him right back in there; he was sure of it.]