museboxingring | (no subject)

[How long had it been since he'd left Beacon mental hospital? How long had it been since Sebastian had come for him? The days had blended together. One odd mesh of sleeping, waking from nightmares, attempting to force food down, panic attacks and ultimately falling unconscious again. Sad as it was, it was the routine of it all that made it feel real.

That still didn't stop the paranoia. Sebastian could say what he wanted and do whatever he could to make Joseph feel better, but ultimately, STEM lingered in his head. It was like a disease. Something chronic he might never recover from. If he stopped paying too close attention to his surroundings- if he started to space out- he could swear he could see it; something moving in the corner of his eye. A humanoid being moving towards him at a slow pace, a puddle of blood or even red bugs crawling along the walls. Every creak of the house sounded like an invader and every gust of wind was like a whisper in the back of his mind. Then there were the times where he would forget where he was, what day it was, or even who he was. Just for a few seconds, just enough to realize that it was happening.

Was he really getting better? Physically, he was becoming fit enough to wander the house, but mentally... Mentally he didn't feel much stronger at all.

Sebastian had left him alone again. Alone in the bedroom, maybe even alone in the house. That was to be expected. He couldn't expect Seb to watch over him 24/7. Still, he'd seen something. He was sure he'd seen something moving at the end of the hall. In STEM, there was only one way to survive; it was to hide before whatever you'd spotted could spot you. Half an hour ago, Joseph had crawled into the old wardrobe that stood in a corner of the bedroom, knees pulled up to his chest. He'd waited and waited, heart hammering in his chest. Even long after the fear had died down, he hadn't left his hiding place. If anything, he'd dozed off.

It was safe here.]

[Thirteen days since they left that place. Thirteen days since Sebastian took him in his car and drove him to crash at his place. He only had one day left to help Joseph get on his feet.

And it wasn't going too well.

Joseph had gotten better physically, sure. He got meat back on his bones and he didn't look so malnourished and pale. But he wasn't alright inside of where in ultimately mattered.

If I could just have one day, fucking damn it.

Sebastian didn't have that kind of time left, he just DIDN'T. But he had to try, keep trying. Even if things felt hopeless. So he left Joseph at home for a half an hour alone. Most errands, he brought Joseph along in hopes it would help make Joseph feel like things were normal. As normal as they could be anyway. Sebastian heard the yelling at night and saw the sweating, things were just going terribly and if Joseph could even find himself needing just a little less help then...well.

Seb left to get cheeseburgers, he walked into his house.

No Joseph. Criminy.]

Joseph.

[No response.

Joseph hadn't heard Sebastian's call. He was dozing, his head resting sideways against the wall of the wardrobe. With how little sleep he'd gotten last night- or any of the past nights- daytime naps were the only way to catch up.

This wasn't the first time he'd hidden himself somewhere, either. The wardrobe was a preferred spot. Crawling under the bed wasn't an option; not only was it incredibly dusty under there, the gap wasn't big enough. Joseph had tried, on one of the first days. Not even with how much weight he'd lost, a human being couldn't fit under there. That was fine. The wardrobe was good enough. It was dark and quiet, and with all the clothes stashed away in there, it smelled nice.]

[With a sigh, he placed the bag of greasy fast food on the counter. Sebastian knew what was going on, and it was what he disliked the most. At the provocation of loneliness, Joseph just hid away. That was what terrified him about suddenly not being around anymore.

When they came to pick him up, would Joseph just hid around forever?

Sebastian bit his lip, he was feeling very anxious at the very notion of him leaving Joseph and he could barely move around on his own.

He was anxious about a lot of things right now. It made him not sleep nor eat very well. He moved around the house, in the room Joseph was in specifically.]

Come on, Joseph.

[Sebastian's approaching footsteps were what ultimately started Joseph out of his slumber. In that moment where consciousness and coherency hadn't quite returned yet, he ended up frozen. Caught in a state of fear, wide eyes staring at the small gap between the two wardrobe doors. Something was entering the room. Something was coming for him.

And then Sebastian's voice reached his ears.

He hesitated for a few seconds, before moving himself a bit closer to the doors so he could peek into the room. He couldn't see Sebastian through the tiny slit, but he could see the man's shadow moving along the floor. ...It was his, right? Carefully, he pressed a hand against one of the doors to nudge it open a little further.]

[Criiiiik.

He heard the wardrobe door open a smidge, and Sebastian let out a sigh. Of course, of course. This didn't bode well at all. It was almost childish now, but Sebastian knew better than to keep on that train of thought. He knew why it was like this for him, but it didn't change his own deep hidden feelings.

He had one day left.]

It's okay, Joseph. It's just me.

[It's always just him.]

[Joseph froze for a moment, then tilted his head sideways to peer along the door. ...It was Sebastian. Of course it was. It was always Sebastian who would come and drag him out of hiding eventually. It was getting tiring, wasn't it? Seb had acted like he'd known exactly what he was getting into when he took Joseph in, but... had he really?

It was embarrassing; adults weren't supposed to act like this. Especially not trained police officers.

He ran a quick hand through his hair to smoothe it out. Compared to his usual neat appearance, he didn't look too great right now. Exhausted, still a little thin, lacking gel to keep his short locks in place. At least he'd started shaving on his own again. That was something.

A deep breath and then, finally, he crawled his way out of the closet. He didn't utter a single word. What was there to say? He'd messed up again, he knew that.]

[Well no, he didn't expect it'd be like this. Especially so far in the time period he was given. Maybe they knew that, maybe they knew it was hopeless and they let Sebastian spend whatever remaining free days he had to wallow in his failure and mistake. Then they'll just take them both back.

Because there would be no point by then right? Sebastian failed.

Fuck that.

Sebastian reached into his pocket and got out a pack of cigarettes, putting one in his mouth and moving slowly back out of the room. He just didn't know what to say, and was trying hard to not promote any defeatist remarks out of either of them. He pushed out the thoughts he just had again.

Keep moving.]

I brought lunch.

[When he was at a distance away, he lit his cigarette.]

[Joseph slowly scrambled back to his feet and watched Sebastian's retreating back. It felt like they were just going through the motions now. Like he was just another chore for Sebastian to take care of. Something as insignificant as taking out the trash or doing the dishes.

Was his partner leaving so abruptly to hide his look of secondhand embarrassment? ...Yes, that was probably what it was. Sebastian was determined to keep moving forward, but Joseph was struggling to keep up with something that should be oh so simple.]

... Right. Thanks.

[He cast another glance at the wardrobe, then wandered after Sebastian, into the hallway. He couldn't be even remotely bothered by the cigarette anymore. If anything, he welcomed the scent of it. It smelled familiar and comforting.]

[Not only were all of those suspicions not correct, but Sebastian was also simply dealing with his own pile of nerves right now. If he felt like he could hide in a wardrobe and have problems go away but for a moment, he would.

But that wouldn't be like Sebastian, he felt like he had to be more realistic and stable. While he still could be.

He still had his brain and his own thoughts, he didn't want them gone yet.]

Were you in there the whole time I was gone? I left a half an hour ago.

Edited 2015-10-14 21:45 (UTC)

[Joseph hung his head, idly chewing at the inside of his cheek for a few seconds. It was a bad habit and he should probably stop, but the resulting sting helped keep him grounded. It helped remind him that this should be reality.

Was he really in there the whole time? He couldn't remember when he'd crawled in. He had no idea how long he'd slept, either. Half an hour sounded accurate enough.]

I think so... Probably.

[Oh boy, thought Sebastian as he continued to smoke his lit cigarette. Once they got to his living area, he sat on the sofa next to his well used ashtray. He wasn't hungry, leaving the bag of greasy food on the counter in the kitchen. Joseph was free to knock himself out with it.

Sebastian took a glance over at Joseph and his somewhat guilt ridden face. He took another sigh as he decided to flick on his television.

So, what to do now?]

So...how are you feeling?

[Joseph lingered by the doorway for a while longer. Seb had said he'd brought lunch, but all he could smell right now was something greasy. Junkfood. Hamburgers, maybe. It made his stomach churn uneasily. He'd been fighting to keep food down for almost two weeks now, he doubted junkfood would help him any.

His gaze strayed to the television as it was flicked on. ...Good. Television was good. Always a worthwhile distraction from everything else that might weigh him down.]

... The same as...- as always. [Always as in the past two weeks. It feels like he can't really remember what it was like to be perfectly healthy, anymore. It was the sort of thing he'd always taken for granted.]

[Sports. News. Game show. Sebastian wasn't even watching anything, he was flicking through channels when he suddenly stopped...right at a cartoon short.

The mouse was running away from the cat, who held a mallet in his hands. The cat really wanted to catch that mouse. The escape was through a mouse hole in the wall, in which the cat slams his face on. Flattening said face in a rather humorous, violent fashion.

Same as always. Joseph. The cat that will never catch that mouse, ever. Joseph...]

Well, you don't look paper thin anymore. That's a start?

Yeah... Yeah, it's a start.

[Joseph spent a few more seconds frozen by the doorway in an almost indecisive manner. Then he figured he had no business in the kitchen if cheeseburgers were his only option, wandering towards the couch instead. His gaze was stuck on the television.

That cartoon... Why did people enjoy stuff like that, again? Running for your life wasn't really like that. Violence wasn't really like that. In reality, both the cat and the mouse would have died a hundred times over.

Why was he even investing so much thought into it at all?]

Is that... the kind of stuff you like to watch?

Uh, not since I was a kid, no.

[Yet he wasn't changing the channel yet. He stopped initially because he was spoken to, now he was paying some sort of attention now.

It was weird, he hadn't seen these in years. It seemed odd to watch them now hat he was nearing forty but damn, those were the days.

Hard to watch now considering but, heh, he smirked a little.]

Crazy, ain't it? That cat could never get that damn mouse after so many years.

[Joseph took a seat on the couch's armrest. He wasn't sure why he preferred that over the cushions. Maybe so it'd be easier to get up if he suddenly needed to run. Or maybe he felt that he didn't deserve a seat right next to Sebastian. Maybe it was because of that nagging voice that insisted Sebastian wouldn't even want to sit too close to him.

Maybe it was all those things.

His gaze was still on the television, watching the mouse mock the cat. It felt like it was in bad taste. The cat was already suffering enough after an anvil to the head, did it really need to be kicked while it was down?]

I think the kids are supposed to root for the mouse. ...They wouldn't like it very much if the little guy got eaten.

Well, if you asked me, life isn't all that good for the cat either. Cats are supposed to chase mice, right? Nature or something.

[Idle conversation helped, only a little but it did. But he didn't mind Joseph sitting close to him at all.]

Yeah, but the only way for the cat to come out victorious in a cartoon like this is for the mouse to be some sort of villain. They feel the need to make it as black and white as possible for the kids.

[Which is a mistake, in Joseph's opinion. Reality is unfair and they might as well start teaching kids at an early age that sometimes, good guys die and bad guys get away with murder.]

[Just as Joseph said that, a dog started now chasing the cat. Leave it to two grown adults talking so philosophically about a cartoon, really. Emphasis on two grown adults.]

So I guess now the cat deserves to have a dog chase him back. Retribution and all that bullshit, huh?

[They are really such grumps about this. Was there a point to it? Seb wasn't sure anymore.

But this was the best conversation they've had in a while.]

... I guess we're supposed to be rooting for the dog, now.

[What a weird role reversal, now that Joseph thought about it. First you were meant to root for the tiny underdog doing the escaping, now you were supposed to root for the big bad doing the chasing. Talk about a skewered lesson for kids. An offensive, direct approach was okay when it was for the sake of retribution? Was that why the KCPD could be seen beating the shit out of criminals in the streets almost every day?

In fact, Joseph had always rooted for the cat when he was young. The mouse had always struck him as an arrogant, mean-spirited prick. What did that say about him?

He sighed, pressed a hand to his aching head and slipped from the armrest onto the couch itself.]

Hey...you know what I realized?

[Sebastian flipped the channel.]

This shit is really stupid.

[Mainly because it started to upset him and not so much that the toon was bad. They were both making the statements together and it was obvious where they were both going.

There were just commercials on a different channel now. So Sebastian took a second to not focus on the TV. His head started to hurt anyway. Much like Joseph, actually.]

[Joseph chuckled softly at that remark. It was stupid, wasn't it? It was really, tremendously stupid. Not that commercials were any better. Why should he care about goldfish crackers and the make-belief adventures that they could have? They were crackers.

He closed his eyes and moved his hands into his lap, sitting back on the couch. Once that was done, he couldn't quite stop himself from leaning sideways as well, resting against Sebastian's upper arm and shoulder. He knew he shouldn't- this was probably a little awkward for the man, but it was just so damn comfortable for Joseph himself.]

...

[It was awkward. Really awkward. On any random occasion before the whole mess with STEM, this would only happen if they both had too much to drink. It never happened. It was always Sebastian who drank too much.

Was it intentional for that to happen?

Man, he wasn't equipped for this. He had no idea what to do.]

...You okay?

[Joseph had known beforehand that Sebastian wouldn't appreciate that move. He felt a little bad for making him uncomfortable, but still didn't regret it. Having the man press up against him was a good, physical reminder that he was there. That it was real. ...Probably.

The scent of Seb's cologne was a good bonus. One couldn't smell things like that in STEM. Any 'scent' that reached their noses had been gore, decay or mud.

He didn't pull away. He stayed right where he was for as long as Sebastian would let him.]

... Yeah. Sorry.

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Such a mad yearning for Sebastian

dayum

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two billion years later

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scream

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i entered the matrix and came back to gay shit

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