Eirika, Princess of Renais (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartofarapier) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
museboxingring2013-07-11 06:22 pm
heartofarapier) wrote in museboxingring2013-07-11 06:22 pm
/dumps self-indulgent arpee all over this comm
Does he like music?
It was a thing she had wondered as she had her face nearly pressed up against the panel of glass of the department store. On the other side, a violin fashioned of European maple and spruce, intricate scrolling filigree designs along its upper and lower bouts, and a proper pike-head bow strung up along with it. The instrument itself was not foreign to her, but it was something that the very sight brought along nostalgia.
It had been a while since she'd arrived from Magvel, and still her heart felt heavy. But Connor had certainly helped with that, while adding some weight of his own. The kind of weight that sat right upon her heart and reminded her precisely of where she stood in relation to him. And how, with each day, that seemed to matter less and less.
"I should like very much to play for him sometime," she murmured to idle air in a single breath.
Reluctantly she pried herself away and straightening out her tunic, Eirika looked about. It had been her sincerest intent to meet with him. Any company of his would do and she was hardly particular, but she'd hoped to put some professionalism aside. None of the Native and the Princess, but rather simply man and woman.
So as she made her way - and likely tardy - to their deemed meeting place (a blooming tree of little renown), her steps held her with bated breath and a silent anticipation that could only be described in books as prickling and numb.
It was a thing she had wondered as she had her face nearly pressed up against the panel of glass of the department store. On the other side, a violin fashioned of European maple and spruce, intricate scrolling filigree designs along its upper and lower bouts, and a proper pike-head bow strung up along with it. The instrument itself was not foreign to her, but it was something that the very sight brought along nostalgia.
It had been a while since she'd arrived from Magvel, and still her heart felt heavy. But Connor had certainly helped with that, while adding some weight of his own. The kind of weight that sat right upon her heart and reminded her precisely of where she stood in relation to him. And how, with each day, that seemed to matter less and less.
"I should like very much to play for him sometime," she murmured to idle air in a single breath.
Reluctantly she pried herself away and straightening out her tunic, Eirika looked about. It had been her sincerest intent to meet with him. Any company of his would do and she was hardly particular, but she'd hoped to put some professionalism aside. None of the Native and the Princess, but rather simply man and woman.
So as she made her way - and likely tardy - to their deemed meeting place (a blooming tree of little renown), her steps held her with bated breath and a silent anticipation that could only be described in books as prickling and numb.
no subject
His eyes stayed on her. The most Eirika had really noticed them to. Or perhaps he hadn't directed such extensive attention on her. It was true that Connor had looked at her often with a plethora of situations she'd found herself in. This one, however, was a stark contrast to the others.
For how he looked at her... Had anyone before? Perhaps. And perhaps she simply didn't notice it. It was, frankly, a little embarrassing, but she decided to wear herself proudly. If he wanted to look, there was no felony in it.
"...What is it?" she asked him quietly, still kind, still compassionate, still adoring. "I am not capable of looking into your thoughts." Her right hand lifted and she motioned to his eyes. "Yet I see many. Give me but a glimpse into the enigma who has captured me so."
Confidence, indeed.
no subject
Whoops.
Okay he's back into reality. He blinked a little, suddenly feeling a little like he was in his own shoes. But still in the mood of what was going on. At least he composed himself a bit. He didn't stop that smile though.
"...N-nothing...Just..." he actually stuttered. Except no, it wasn't nothing. And Connor was now catching himself. However, catching himself and what he almost did put him into that awkward feeling.
We're...all being honest here. All gloves were off.
...So he just said it. Not caring how awkward it sounded.
"...You are beautiful."
no subject
But hearing it from Connor, who was not one of her people or anything akin to, Eirika could only pause and stare. Not in horror. Not in surprise (not much, anyway - though any present was pleasant). Just... speechless. At least temporarily.
Oh, how she wanted to look away. To hide a little under that mane of hair she had. Yet it seemed like it would have insulted him. She could tell him she thought he was handsome, because... she did. She'd not thought of it too much before, but there was... a great amount of aesthetic glory about him. Connor was both soft and hard and it was only one thing of many that she admired.
"...Thank you." Moving his hand from her cheek she pressed his palm to where her heart sat, wondering if he could feel how it raced. Wondering if he knew the effect he had on her. "And here I thought you never looked at me in such a way. I will carry myself with more pride."
1/2
Oh he felt it alright, that heart beat. He was causing this? This visibly made Connor swallow hard.
2/2 i'm dying
He already told her he wasn't really sure how he felt, or how to deal with it. So for a while, he just kept feeling her heart and finding its rhythm.
She was right there. And he strangely didn't want this to end.
"I...am feeling much right now. But, I told you. I am an honest man. Man of my word. Even if I am not sure of where I stand, please know whatever I tell you, I mean it. I would not lie to you."
His gaze never really changed though and he hoped you took that and took it well. Because in that split second after he said that, Connor leaned in closer to her.
He was...sure this was what he wanted to do. His brain kept telling him to. To just do it.
He gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead.
... /asplodes
Well, something she thought that he questioned her on. For she had believed she was protecting him. From... herself? Her position? Her obligation? As if she had a hold on his very heart and wanted to treat it with such reverence that it would not break. But how long could she keep that up?
Her insides twisted up a little - or so it felt - when he leaned in.
"...please know whatever I tell you, I mean it. I would not lie to you."
"I-"
And it was about as much as she got out. For with that very simple gesture, she didn't... know what to do. What was she supposed to do? To say? Why? How? When was it decided that this was okay? Because it really wasn't. Logic kept nagging at her, reminding her that it wasn't going to be accepted, and she kept wanting to wring logic with her very hands until it breathed no longer.
Instead, Eirika decided silence was the ally in this one instance. No words. Actions only. Saying anything - even sweet things - would only ruin it. So her hand grasped his and she stayed so near to him that she felt like her whole self had been set aflame. By something so mere and trivial.
no subject
No regrets.
He did it. He can't take it back. A thousand pounds came off his shoulders.
Maybe this was what he wanted here. When it came to comforts. To find his own happiness and purpose. Maybe that didn't matter for shit right now. He would think about it later, when he maybe thought a little more clearly.
He can...be selfish for just this once.
Please. Let it be okay. To just be here, and be this way. Not worry about the consequences.
Connor's forehead laid down on hers when he was done with his kiss. Holding her near.
no subject
Connor, in a way, made her feel helpless. But it was she who gave him the power to do that.
I was not truthful when I said I was not afraid of losing you, she admitted silently to herself. There will come a day when I will. I cannot worry when it will arrive, though I know I'll worry anyway. But I want to enjoy these days and these times, for as long as I have them.
And yet...
What if I decide, Connor, that my heart is more important than my obligations? The thought terrified her, and even as her eyes closed, she found her arms lifting to draw him to her.
Against her, more or less.
THERE'S NO PERSONAL SPACE IN THIS DOJO.no subject
Because the moment Eirika started pulling him in, his body let her as if she were the one standing over six foot with all that muscle. He held her as well yes, but the impact of being held back made him get even closer.
Close enough maybe for Eirika, if she tried, to hear his own heart beat going a mile a minute.
no subject
Yet he very clearly did all of those things.
Her smile grew, along with her confidence, and after a moment her chin lifted just so she could settle a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Because... I couldn't reach your forehead," was her very soft excuse, for his ears alone. Innocently passionate, as one good turn most definitely deserved another.
i quit life
Eirika welcomed Connor through many doors. To trust someone. To trust someone of royalty. To get to know a true...truly strong and kind woman.
He said that a lot. A strong, kind woman. But it was like what was used as a respect was now something he can...adore Eirika for.
To have a choice to think those things. He felt probably free in a sense. His heart soared. And it soared higher as this meeting kept going. It was euphoria.
Eirika gave him her kiss on his warm cheek. She can't reach his forehead? Better make it more visible to her then. Placing a hand gently under her chin so he could look at her clearly again. His temperature just kept rising and rising.
His lips touched hers.
SAOFJETUE4PJFOPDUG9R3 /MELTS
But did it really matter any longer? It was easy to forget the rest of the world. It was easier to feel her heart heal, even far from her home and her family. What had she been looking for when she came from Magvel? Had she been looking for anything? A way to return home. A way to ease Connor's concerns.
She had found one, hadn't she? Herself? Was she truly capable of giving to him what she felt he could benefit from? All people were deserving of happiness. Connor was deserving of happiness. Yet could she make him happy? That was the unending question, she supposed. A question she could only stew over silently.
Contemplation ended when he drew up her chin. Only more so when he gave unto her a real kiss. A sincere kiss. The kind that was incredibly pure and righteous - if a kiss could be one. She thought so. At least any with him, for he was only pure and righteous, and he made her want to be the same way.
Was she allowed to return it? Her reciprocation was tentative, as if to find what he wished of her. For perhaps even Connor had a line of propriety.
i...
The dawning of what he did started to settle. For some reason, he started to think of the future...Because what he just did, could change everything.
No, it did change everything.
What had he done...
What he just did could make something happen that would change Connor's life. Good. Or bad.
On one end, he found someone that made him feel like he was a real person. On the other, he could've just as easily immediately lost that person.
He stayed there, anxious now to see what Eirika did next.
...love me, I know.
He withdrew and though he did, she didn't feel... alone. He would be there when she needed him to be. As long as she needed him to be. What else could one really say? Where feelings were concerned, even without black and white definitions, they'd made both of their positions clear.
You are important to me. Far more than I could have realised.
Connor had given her something to look forward to. He had filled in an empty part of her. He had provided her with something she'd been without. An... odd feeling of 'completion,' if she could call it that.
"You... have my permission to do that whenever you would like," she finally managed to utter with a slow nod, eyes upon his, as if she tried to read him - and inevitably failed.
"I mean..." Then she smiled when she couldn't seem to figure out what to say. "I believe... I understand what my brother meant when he spoke of courtships." Offering up her right hand to him, she looked a little more confident, and this time, she was expectant for his.
yes i love you
Because they were courting now. He never even thought of it that way. Would have. It just came and happened. Or maybe he had feelings, but never wanted to acknowledge them. Or never understood them. Or was afraid to even try to understand them.
He looked at Eirika sadly now. Sad with compassion. He was still...happy. He knew he was. But now with the realization in tact, he felt strange.
"I am...honored to hear you say that. Beyond my own imagination," he said. Continuing with, "I want you happy and I want to be selfish and say I can do that. Make you happy. But yet, I am unsure how good at that I will be. I want to give you the time you deserve..."
And I love you.
Eirika didn't like the violence that stained Connor's past, but she seemed to get the idea that it was simply a way of life, as unfortunate as it was. Some people would have called him a barbarian based on his actions alone or his lifestyle, but there was so much more to him beyond that. She couldn't start throwing stones of judgment in his direction. Her history wasn't nearly as worldly and being a part of one war - without seeing its end - did not make her an expert on the field. Far from, actually.
But there was more to it.
"How oddly fitting that you would say what I only think," she confessed. "Not of your ability to bring me joy, mind you. Rather my ability to do such for you. A man who has... endured so much. I feel that I may be a hindrance to you, and I don't want that."
Was he attempting to leave such a decision to her? Would he be so willingly to let her go so easily? Not that Eirika ever wanted him in a position that would make her a burden. Considering everything in retrospect, it was hard to say Connor would really surrender her. Not if he was so truly invested in her prosperity and her safety. Connor was not one much for surrender. ...But was she?
"I feel you and I will both be far too quick to dismiss what we feel we're inadequate for," Eirika continued. "If you should want my heart, Connor, I would give it to no other. But only if you should want it. These days with you are the happiest ones I've had. You could do nothing at all, and I am delighted at your mere companionship. Regardless of tomorrow, a week from now, a month, a year, I... can only find I wish for these days with you not to end."
no subject
In a way, that would make this more intimate. Nothing fake.
"You would never be a hindrance to me," Connor said quickly.
Connor took his hands and gently now held just one of hers with them. He has to be sure of this. He closed his eyes.
Connor was a reserved man; honorable, and respectable. He knew he would never flaunt her. Abuse her. None of that.
He wanted to be a good man, to her.
He sighed....he only had a few seconds to make one of the most definitive decisions he's made. To court a woman. To court a woman such as Eirika. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach. Maybe this was what Norris felt for Myriam. Why he asked for Connor's help. This was scary stuff for the inexperienced man.
But look how happy THEY were now...
"If you see me as that man who makes you happy, then I want nothing more right now."
no subject
And she thought of all the ways she could prove him wrong right then and there. Never mind that she was far from Magvel. Eirika still wore a crown in one form or another. She was still a princess. And it seemed even the people who shouldn't have been able to arrive, were able to anyway. Which meant in her darkest fears, men like Valter could still show up. Not to put down Connor's ability, of course, Eirika could all too easily see him stepping in to defend her. A repeat of Seth all over again. Of the day Connor had not come to her rescue once, but twice now. Hindrance was all too appropriate a word to use for her. That was the trouble with courting royalty. Not all people were going to approve of Renais' princess or of what she stood for.
In fact, most hardened by war would rather usurp a pacifistic noble. Perhaps.
She was worried, even as he took her hand and reassured her with his words. But she listened to him and she trusted him. Connor was no weak man and she was no weak woman. Yet if they did this, they had to be genuinely committed to the idea. It was to be no spontaneous decision made on either part. They had to be willing. They had to be prepared, even for the worst.
Her breath caught as she tried to offer up a better response than a doe-eyed gaze. As she put herself back together, she found her grasp tightening upon his hand and nodded slowly at first. "I understand and I do," she said, feeling more professional than she should have, in combination with the way her heart pounded at the very concept. "Connor, it will not be convenient for either of us. I feel that I have the strength, however, to face it. I would like to. And I wish to be the one who makes you happy, as well. I pray I can be all of that and more."
no subject
A princess he would be courting. Not just any princess. A good princess. Someone who took her people seriously. He finally understood. If the people saw anything they remotely felt off about, they could not trust her. Connor can safely say she wouldn't deserve since she only thought of her people and would even marry a man she didn't love if it gave them hope.
Royalty. An entity that Connor only recently even cared to understand. Why weren't there more royalty like Eirika?
He just had to be a man the people would support. A man who would fight for them.
Connor had done that in the shadows but this would mean publicly. But maybe he could do something not as an Assassin, but as a man. A common man. Or he guessed, in which case some people saw him in the colonies, less than a common man who lived in the dirt. Maybe this was a way he could also make a difference in Eirika's life?
Challenges a plenty.
But worth the risk? Was it all worth it?
Yes. Connor felt this at the end of the day.
"Convenient, it may not be. Challenging, maybe. But even if you feel they are risks; I, as a man by your side, I will take those risks. Mark my words. I am not afraid of working into making our own lives piece by piece if this is the path we both desire. As long as it is what you want, I will assist."
no subject
Her free hand, she lifted, and with the lightest touch she could manage - no difficult task on her end - she settled it against his cheek. With no other incentive than to simply hold him, as if the very extension of a mere touch could possibly convey how much his words stirred her. Too surreal, honestly. He spoke with such determination, such a strength about him that he sounded almost knightly.
Connor was no prince. She had known it from the beginning and was well aware of how it could be interpreted. In a normal world, she'd be expected to wed into nobility. With Connor at her side, what would people think? Would he be ridiculed? Would he be shunned? Could she protect him? Eirika had a plethora of worries and concerns.
"You speak so brazenly with me," she finally managed to utter. "As if I am not the crown princess of Renais at all." But she was amused by his confidence and how direct he was being. It really was quite the sight to witness and the flutters he birthed were of a delightfully foreign sort. "If you would consider me yours, my strengths and influence, my diplomacy and compassion, then I would heartily consider you to be mine."