Eirika, Princess of Renais (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartofarapier) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
museboxingring2013-07-11 06:22 pm
heartofarapier) wrote in museboxingring2013-07-11 06:22 pm
/dumps self-indulgent arpee all over this comm
Does he like music?
It was a thing she had wondered as she had her face nearly pressed up against the panel of glass of the department store. On the other side, a violin fashioned of European maple and spruce, intricate scrolling filigree designs along its upper and lower bouts, and a proper pike-head bow strung up along with it. The instrument itself was not foreign to her, but it was something that the very sight brought along nostalgia.
It had been a while since she'd arrived from Magvel, and still her heart felt heavy. But Connor had certainly helped with that, while adding some weight of his own. The kind of weight that sat right upon her heart and reminded her precisely of where she stood in relation to him. And how, with each day, that seemed to matter less and less.
"I should like very much to play for him sometime," she murmured to idle air in a single breath.
Reluctantly she pried herself away and straightening out her tunic, Eirika looked about. It had been her sincerest intent to meet with him. Any company of his would do and she was hardly particular, but she'd hoped to put some professionalism aside. None of the Native and the Princess, but rather simply man and woman.
So as she made her way - and likely tardy - to their deemed meeting place (a blooming tree of little renown), her steps held her with bated breath and a silent anticipation that could only be described in books as prickling and numb.
It was a thing she had wondered as she had her face nearly pressed up against the panel of glass of the department store. On the other side, a violin fashioned of European maple and spruce, intricate scrolling filigree designs along its upper and lower bouts, and a proper pike-head bow strung up along with it. The instrument itself was not foreign to her, but it was something that the very sight brought along nostalgia.
It had been a while since she'd arrived from Magvel, and still her heart felt heavy. But Connor had certainly helped with that, while adding some weight of his own. The kind of weight that sat right upon her heart and reminded her precisely of where she stood in relation to him. And how, with each day, that seemed to matter less and less.
"I should like very much to play for him sometime," she murmured to idle air in a single breath.
Reluctantly she pried herself away and straightening out her tunic, Eirika looked about. It had been her sincerest intent to meet with him. Any company of his would do and she was hardly particular, but she'd hoped to put some professionalism aside. None of the Native and the Princess, but rather simply man and woman.
So as she made her way - and likely tardy - to their deemed meeting place (a blooming tree of little renown), her steps held her with bated breath and a silent anticipation that could only be described in books as prickling and numb.
no subject
She continued to let him hold her as close as he was, unsure if there was ever a time someone had done that. Seth had held her a good deal of time when they fled from Renais as it crumbled. But that was then and it was an entirely different circumstance. It had very little to do with adoration. Just protection. Perhaps more for Seth's peace of mind than hers.
A flicker of concern touched her gaze as she suddenly tipped her chin up, "I didn't say that to make you uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to-" As she tried to reign in her composure once more, "I mean... It's why I may seem a little hard. It's just because I worry about you as much as you worry about me. You want me to be open with you, but I need you to be open with me too. If you aren't, I feel like it's... not fair. And I understand things aren't always going to be fair. I don't expect you to tell me everything, but even I can tell when you're holding back."
Leaning back enough, not to draw away from him, but rather to set her hands to his forearms carefully, "It doesn't have to be today, or tomorrow, or even months from now. You can wait years to say anything if you wish, but..." Eirika tipped her head and she drew in a sigh. "I'm sure you understand. I probably didn't need to say anything to begin with. I would like it if I never had to hide anything from you, and I need to understand that you are not me."
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He had every excuse and justification in the book. He never had anyone who cared. He was brought up to keep it all in and together. He didn't want to dwell on things longer than what was expected of him as a warrior, no, as an Assassin. The Assassins, being completely secret.
That and much more, but the more Connor thought them through...the worse he felt. They were excuses. Eirika deserved more than excuses. And the moment he tried to once again share one of them, Eirika was back away once more. Causing another argument, which he really didn't want now at all.
His head dropped, and not truly realizing he was leaving his forehead against the top of hers as he back off enough to also leave his arms on her own forearms.
"You are right, I am not you," he said. "But that is a terrible excuse, you deserve better than that. If I was unfair to you...I cannot beg for you to forgive me for that. I cannot beg for you to understand me, or even try. As much as I try to understand you, you try to understand me."
Softly, more words after that.
"You are a kind-hearted...strong woman, who I could not even dream of having by my side as you are. It is..." Pause.
"...A blessing."
no subject
She wanted to get a better look at his face, but with how close he was, each time she tried, she was pretty sure her eyes were beginning to cross. She remained stationary, as close to him as she'd been before, having somewhat surrendered to how he held her - at least for the time being.
His words hit her very hard. Words were powerful, and Eirika knew that. Words could sway hearts and they could sway even kingdoms and countries. Words could and would likely decide her entire future, and for that reason, she had come to not only rely on them, but to be the best spoken woman she could possibly be. And it had been a little harder with Connor, who rarely used words for moments like these.
He was trying. Was it... his own form of compromise? Hers to take more action. His to be attempt a slightly more talkative outlook toward her. It... seemed like compromise. Had they meant enough to one another to bring that to fruition? It certainly appeared that way.
It was all very moving and so stunned into silence that she almost felt stirred to the point of tears. Almost. At least she'd thought that she was. All she really knew that her heart was twisting up again, which was always remarkably painful, and somewhere behind anything he might say, was the reality of the situation. And she was trying to pretend that reality wasn't there at all, even knowing that she'd eventually have to go back on her words to him.
And not by her choice at all.
"Connor..." was her initial reply as she tried to put her words together. "You never had to ask for me to be here, or to stay. I wanted to. I always wanted to. As long as you have want for me, or need, then I'll stay. You... are just as much a blessing to me."
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That was what it was...wasn't it? Connor was trying to give Eirika someone that he hoped they could work with.
Connor was an honest man, but that didn't mean it was easy to express any real feelings that were all that deep. This was going far out of his comfort zone and he expected perhaps Eirika to be unhappy with him. He felt like he was just disappointing her to the point he knew he had to do something...or else things would grow sour.
So it was true, he really cared about her. He cared about her that much. He moved his head up again so he could look at her square in the eye.
"Eirika...as long as we reside in the same world, you are always welcome to me. It is an honor. You should know that, if you need me as well."
Wow.
no subject
Not the words that echoed through her mind, anyway. "...as long as we reside in the same world..." And it hurt more, because she still knew it was fleeting. So it was so ridiculously foolish to get attached to someone she knew she couldn't stay with. When she thought about it like that, she felt her composure break just enough to warrant her discomfort and she looked aside, unable to meet his eyes.
But it was only temporary, for when she did put her gaze back onto his, she offered him a nod, as if to say she understood what he said, that she accepted it, and she offered up her words as well. "I need you, Connor."
Please don't leave me to myself just yet. Please stay for just a little longer.
The words she gave him alone, though few were the most powerful ones she could give. Her, the princess of Renais, admitting that she needed him. Admitting that she was relying on him. It contradicted so much of her desire to do everything independently.
no subject
No.
The present mattered. As far as he knew, he had tons of time. Take every moment and take it like it was your last, that was a common thing was it?
It was then he knew that he now found it hard to leave this place. Funny that he thought this place was a prison at first.
...Yeah, he'd have a hard time leaving. If he had a choice then...
And then she said those words.
I need you.
Connor's stomach went into knots like you would tie on a shoe. He thought about swallowing hard, getting scared...but then, somehow.
Just like that.
There was an array of confidence. What was he trying to find here again? Comforts. Purpose. In more than one way. One place.
It is then as if Connor looked like normal, in a glowingly strong confident way. Like he had some strength. He knew deep inside, that was hard for a woman like Eirika to say. Because he knew she could handle herself. He believed that with all his heart. And he wanted Eirika to know that he was there, strong when she couldn't be. And she would when he wasn't.
"Then I will stay. For as long as you need me."
That. Was....
no subject
"Then I will stay. For as long as you need me."
She was... both overjoyed, to the point that she did think her heart might burst, and incredibly... Judgmental of herself. As if she felt he shouldn't be saying such things to her. But if she wanted to play that card, then she would have said some time before how very inappropriate it was for them to have that conversation.
Or as always, she was doing the same thing she'd always done. It was only ever okay when she did it, and it was never okay when he did. Because she always had to do everything. Except his words were telling her that she didn't. That it wasn't her obligation. That she didn't need to. That he would be there.
He would be there.
He would... be there. For as long as she needed him.
And she found she had no words. Nothing worth to give to him. Her right hand lifted and slipped over her mouth as she eyed him. And it was about that time that she realised she was... crying. At least a little. Shedding tears, at the very least, which she quickly tried to brush aside. It didn't seem a very good replacement for words, but it did seem to be all she could do.