museboxingring | There was a split moment to think.

There was a split moment to think.

It was another day just like how it has been. Connor did his rounds in the town and his job on campus, not in that order.

He was probably going for a few days, hardly speaking to people and it wasn't really on his own volition. When he was at work, he was like a locomotive, he would be running and trying to accomplish what he could with any amount of energy he had. Whatever time he had to rest, it was to assess what had been done and what should be done next.

Research, and what not.

These times were bad, the very town up in arms about the insects and the horrifying rip in the sky.

It was like a nightmare, a nightmare that decided to be real.

Connor had just returned to his dorm, a place he actually wasn't in much these days. He was covered in remnants of the shadow bugs, as he was fending them off from harming citizens.

He remembered his discussions with people, and he had tried to send off citizens to safety. He was trying very hard.

So what next? What could he do now? He had not heard from that mysterious man yet about the bombs, but surely whenever he was ready, he would be back in action to find action. This was the sort of thing you had to be ready for; those were bombs.

---

He unlocked his door to the dorm only to find it empty, which was okay. Desmond was surely busy too.

He decided he was to wash his face, suddenly feeling tired. The many days of working were finally getting to him, and he felt that it hit him hard. He turned on the faucet to splash the cold water on, and it felt a little better. Now he got a better look though, and he truly looked tired. Perhaps he needed to get his robes cleaned and go find something to eat. He needed to rejuvenate somehow.

It was already late evening, what else could happen?

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As she heard him, the curve in her mouth grew. He really knew her well, didn't he? She could worry easily and he could pick it out of her just as easily when she did. He merely wanted to treat her the very best ~~LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS~~. There was no crime in that, and tradition sometimes stated that such a consideration was precisely how every man should have treated a woman. No. There was nothing wrong with that.

Eirik nodded, "I hear you and I understand. I think you treat me impeccably well, so take heart and have confidence, Connor. You are wonderful to me." And I wish to be wonderful to you in return, except she didn't say it because she didn't need to. Because he likely already knew. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

"Well, good," he said to her, with a smile of his own. He had that very brief feeling of relief. Whenever she was happy, well, it just made him feel at ease. No other way to explain that really.

Connor was well on his way to relaxing, now taking in that relief to heart. Since they were now retired for the evening, it was about time they simply enjoyed their company. Let the past and the previous nerves leave.

Until it became the time to talk about "that time".

But that wasn't this very moment. Connor motioned to the sofa again, finding that his body now needed that rest. "Perhaps I could still offer that massage?"

It wasn't an excuse to touch her. She knew that, because he didn't need one. It didn't mean the words weren't readily trying to crawl back into her throat. Some people could be kings and queens of compassion or war, and Eirik was rapidly becoming the soon-to-be queen of denial and protests. But if she could opt for not reacting in such a way, she had to at least try, which meant not saying the things she already had. No sense in having a repeat conversation.

Her eyes followed to where he motioned and she moved to sit on the edge of the sofa and she offered him a very subtle nod. "Of course. How would you like me?"

To sit, Connor. She only wanted to know how he wanted her to sit. Or if he wanted her to sit at all.

Which was probably why he outwardly suggested this at all. They've crossed the barrier and had this conversation, so now there was an attempt to salvage those time and forge something else.

Connor wasn't sure, but he could feel his hands twitch, and he was sure it was his own nerves that he had to quell. He could tell she was trying to quell her own usual reflexes too as she simply, and again, diplomatically made an offer. They were both really trying today, that threshold was on the verge of being crossed again.

"Do you have any pain?" Connor just went out to ask. "I could do what I can."

He didn't actually answer her, so she remained as she was and instead shook her head at his question.

"Not especially, no. Tense perhaps, yes, but only because sometimes I sleep oddly or inappropriately." And sometimes that was due to season. Every now and then it had to do with the lack of dreams and the overabundance of nightmares. In short, there were plenty of reasons for why Eirik didn't sleep well at night and there wasn't much she could do about that except simply to do the best she could with what she had.

And none of that was Connor's problem. Not that he wouldn't try to take on all of his problems and hers simultaneously.

"Shoulders and neck I think," she admitted as she rose her hands to gently press fingertips at the nape of her neck, testing for the sensitivity. "Otherwise I imagine the rest of me is likely tension free."

That was actually one of the reasons he took to sleeping in the same bed as her, out of concern mostly. The nightmares that plagued her set off so many alarms when he saw it in person, and it wasn't like he slept like a baby either. Sleep was just to recharge batteries, and he had to do it, no matter what nightmares or trauma happened. Then they started to share their sleep with each other, and it was an odd sense of true peace when he slept. But that related to how they felt about each other now. It came to show where they stood whenever they decided to spend the night together, another one of those testament things.

It was so that when that trend started, he felt like he was really savoring something.

To think about his past self sometimes, not letting anyone come this close.

Always funny to think about. There was something "magical", if that was the word, to wake up next to someone who you loved so dearly.

In the most welcoming tone he could even muster, he gestured to her. If I could relieve anything she had tonight, then this night would not have been wasted.

"Then come," he said. "Let me help with that. I could do what I can."

"Well, since I'm sitting, you should be coming to me," Eirik replied easily with half of a smile. "Unless you were speaking of your bed and not your couch."

Because truth be told, he hadn't said where he wanted her. Whatever the reason was for that, she didn't know either, but felt it wasn't particularly necessary to ask. Connor often got caught up in his thoughts and consequently didn't seem to always catch when she addressed something for him.

Her eyebrows lifted inquisitively and she waited patiently for his verdict. His couch or his bed. It wasn't an ultimately difficult decision to be made. At least not in her opinion.

...

There was just a brief moment of silence before Connor decided on what to say. Eirika was very direct with that statement, which at first doesn't sound much. If only because Connor and Eirika were direct people by nature.

But that was so direct and laid down flatly, and about a very sensitive subject.

He could've sworn he swallowed his tongue to his stomach. He didn't move, not yet. Connor now felt like it was his turn to be direct, in response to her being direct.

"Eirika," he said, with a serious tone, "About that one night..."

Her eyebrows lifted. Which night? Maybe he meant the one where he pulled her onto his bed after he'd been missing for those few weeks. She could understand that. Crossing one leg over the other, she leaned back and found herself patiently waiting for him to continue.

"...What is it?"

Because she couldn't begin to guess and the tone of his voice set the very stage for what seemed to be a very serious discussion. One that she could feel her nerves threaten to spark up. And she didn't even know what he was trying to point off. Therefore it was far easier just to not jump to conclusions and let him say things in his own time.

"That one night, when I returned, and we were alone..." Connor continued, drifting only a tad to find some more of those words, wherever they went.

"...How did you feel about it?"

She didn't say anything at first, because of all of the things she was expecting, his question wasn't one of them.

Why do we even need to talk about it? Does it bother you, Connor? Except she didn't dare ask him that.

"I'm... not sure what you're asking me," Eirika confessed as she laced her hands together. "It was natural, wasn't it? Are you feeling guilty about it? I know we haven't... anything like that since then... I had thought it was just because we've both been so busy." It was what she thought, but didn't honestly know. She hadn't asked because it wasn't a big deal to her. Connor had his priorities and time with her like that didn't have to be in that list.

While all of those were true, it meant something far too great to Connor to leave to the wayside entirely.

"I have not let my mind forget any of it," Connor said, softly. "How I felt, and how I wondered how you felt." Connor didn't have to go into how it was all so new and outlandish, he figured that was obvious.

"Part of me wanted to stop it from happening and we did it anyway, and then I cannot say it was something I regretted afterwords. I soon did not regret it at all. But never once until now have we spoken of it, at least...not as much as it deserves," he continued.

On the couch, he made sure he looked so directly at Eirika that she could feel his eyes. He was absolutely serious about this.

"For a moment, I did not feel like myself. Every part of me that would have stopped it otherwise left me. It all happened and then I felt more alive than I think I ever had; and in the past year, so much had happened as it is."

His eyes then shifted to the side just a tad, "I had wanted to ask you how much it had meant to you, or how little it had meant, or if you felt repulsed, anything your heart felt really."

If you had felt the same.

Edited 2014-11-07 02:09 (UTC)

There was a difference between proper conversation and indecent conversation. Even behind closed doors, Eirika thought there was a great... Well. She certainly didn't think it was appropriate for them to talk about. And she knew that was upbringing. Kings and queens certainly didn't discuss their intimate moments. Neither did princes and princesses. Connor never would have known it, because he wasn't of nobility. And even if she said it was for her kin, it wouldn't help the situation.

They had to talk about everything to work through. Even the things that really didn't need to have words.

"I didn't dislike it," she said, a little more rushed than she'd wanted it to be as she tried to keep herself from turning too pink. A little blushing was expected in the midst of her befuddlement. "I... could not say what I was thinking at the time, except I evidently thought it was very right..."

Tapping at her chin, Eirika sucked in a deep breath as she tried to collect her thoughts. How to approach such a topic with princess-like diplomacy... She wondered if that was even possible. "That evening you and I were not a princess and a native. We were just two people, and I respect that. It gave us an opportunity not to think so much about our positions or our obligations. I cannot hate that."

Connor could guess that he was taking something a bit too far, as sensitive as it was. He just merely felt it was just...important. There was something about the intimacy from that night that sent all sorts of signals and messages to him. It was his first, it was their first, it was another very serious boundary that was crossed.

It felt like it meant things were going in a serious direction, as they were sharing things Connor found inconceivable to share with anyone else. He couldn't share that with anyone else and feel right about it, even if they somehow became separated forever.

It made him happy, it made him feel alive. Feelings that were reserved for no one else but Eirika; and he wanted to share it with no one else.

Those were very serious thoughts, and it sent so many nerves down his spine when he thought about it.

They forgot who they were, and just held each other.

We were free.

"It felt...very right," Connor said bluntly, with no filter, with sincere honesty. "It was invigorating, I felt more alive than I ever had. I shall not deny that, I refuse to."

Resisting a smile was hard and after some moments, she gave up even trying to hide it. A prominent curve took her mouth and bashfully, she took her eyes off of him. As her hands folded together, she sat a little more prim and proper, despite the idea that he'd seen her a'plenty not being prim or proper at all. It was always like that with them, though. She would react shyly after revealing another side to herself that was less 'princess' and more 'girl.'

"Invigorating," she echoed gently. "That's not what I expected to hear from you. I'm not displeased by it, but there's weight in your words." Reality's weight, mostly. Coming to terms with how they would carry themselves around one another. How they perceived one another.

Connor kept his eyes on her long enough to see her bashfully shy away. At first, he thought he messed up, big time. He was also feeling that very familiar feeling of his heart wanting to leave his chest; too familiar a feeling. Connor had grown accustomed to it by now, and knew all of the implications behind it.

He did use that word, "invigorating". Was it bad? He was only being honest, as always.

Another familiar feeling, his face felt hot.

Then, Connor found himself dipping his head to the floor and looking at his feet. Feet that stayed perfectly still, but he had a nerve wanting to make them twitch.

"I do not say what I do not mean," he continued, the image of a shy Eirika blasting in his mind, never letting him forget. "It is not a word I ever used, in any situation."

As she wove her fingers between one another, she smiled a little greater. "Oh, I know. I mean, you tend to only ever say what you mean to say. What you want to say. Or whatever it is that you need me to know. Your words are very precious to me, you know. You use them so infrequently."

Eirika motioned to herself, "I think I have caught that from you. I certainly do not use my words as much as I used to. Or maybe that is me growing into some form of adulthood. As a child, I thought many things and believed in many unrealistic things. Being shown the realities of situations, I may grow a little harder, but I also grow wiser."

She shifted to lie down on his couch, right on his side, and she set her eyes back onto his. "The best parts of you are infectious. You are helping me grow into quite a magnificent person, I think."

He didn't really expect for Eirika to take this so lightly. What did it mean then? Was she happy with it all? Did she except him in THAT way; in an intimate way? She reached over to him and rested her body against him, like it was a natural thing to do. Eirika also then gave him that look that suggested nothing less than love and acceptance.

No, he didn't really expect that at all.

But he wasn't displeased by it, none whatsoever.

Connor wrapped his arm around her, on reflex. He rested his head against hers in response to her getting close to him. Again, only natural.

Have we...accepted this, then? We have reached a whole new height I could not predict we could. I wonder how much you even understand this. But what happens now?

Truly, Eirika was a saint and an angel; Connor always felt blessed. His heart relaxed and his eyes grew soft once more. He hummed happily as he thought up a good response, if only he could piece how he felt so simply for her to understand.

"You were never a child," Connor softly reminded. "You were always remarkable, and infectious on me as well. I do not think I have ever felt this much at peace in a long time. You have given me that."

He liked flattering her. She liked him flattering her. So she didn't bother to stop him, or correct him, or argue, or whatever it was she might have been inclined to normally do in such a situation.

It was easy for her to touch him. Usually. And it helped that she usually did so reverently. Connor never said what he liked and she was far too conservative to ask him for details, but she imagined he'd tell her when he wanted her to stop, or if he wanted her to do something else. At least she certainly liked thinking so, but she could never say for certain.

The curve in her mouth grew and she reached up with a hand to trace a couple of fingertips over his cheek, the high cheekbones, and the strong sculpting of his jawline. "I am happy, then. Most happy. For you have also given me peace in return. I couldn't ask for much more, Connor. These days with you, the burdens in my heart feel not as heavy as they once did."

And she was comfortable. As if a line of propriety really didn't exist between them. How could it, with the way things had progressed? For what he'd allowed her and what she'd given in return, it was only natural to be so willing. In her opinion.

Eirika always touched him respectfully, because she was sensible and she knew him and how he acted by now.

Connor closed his eyes and took in a calming breath through his nose, inhale and exhale. The fingers tickled his cheek just slightly but it was mostly just relaxing to him. It felt wonderful, and his sensory nerves were reacting well to it.

There was no propriety anymore, was there? This didn't bother HER anymore, and it didn't bother him. She laid next to him, and he held her. Two bodies keeping each other comfortable and cozy; warm feelings attached to the actions.

So perhaps then it was okay that Connor simply turned his head enough to give Eirika a kiss tenderly on her lips. That just felt like it would do better than his words, once again.

He kissed her and the world fell away, as it often did when he performed such seemingly small gestures of affection. Eirika liked his attention, whether it was good or bad, as long as his eyes were on her. Of course the situation got all the more sweeter when in place of his eyes, he used his hands. She had quite the love affair with his hands, though she had a difficult time sometimes admitting to it to anyone other than herself.

Still, he kissed her and she thought it was perfect.

In no hurry to withdraw and move on elsewhere, massages forgotten, she took a hold upon his chin, broad and defined as it was, and she repaid him in kind. There was no shame in smiling about it either. She liked kissing him and she liked being close to him and if he thought she didn't... Well. She'd have to find a way to convince him otherwise and somehow getting cosy seemed like a good start to what seemed to be some promising free time between them.

When she kissed him back, any insecurity wiped away, if any existed in the first place.

It just so happened, that soon enough Connor would've wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Maybe he wasn't the best with affection, but he kept wanting to give it. He wanted to make Eirika happy, that was a reason why he wanted to keep this relationship with her. Her happiness meant so much, above his. He wanted to give her the joy she gave him, a man who lived so much of his life alone.

She never made him feel like he was alone, not anymore.

He loved her, and he wanted her to know that. Remind her of that everyday.

He just kept kissing her, passionately. The rest of the world just wiping away, again.

So that was how it was going to be. She could live with it, even if it was only temporary, which her mind had convinced her would be the case.

Take what it is we have now and think not on tomorrow, for thinking will end our joy.

It wasn't a very regal way to approach the situation, but it was the only way she could think to handle it. She saw what an excess of thought did, and he did as well. Neither of them liked it much. Sometimes it was permissible to ignore the rest of the world and indulge in one another. For as selfless as both of them were, it'd seemed that every once in a while they could agree that it was acceptable to indulge in one another.

And he was thrilling to indulge in, even if she couldn't say it. (And even if she was capable of it, she wouldn't have.)

He could have kissed her until her head felt light. She let him, even. And right about the time where she was pleasantly dizzy, as if the world couldn't stop spinning, she freed herself. At least her mouth, but settled for brushing the tip of her nose over his cheek and against his jawline. Soft kisses followed, created a trail against the length of his neck. Fingertips twitched and after many moments of hesitance, trickled over him tentatively.

I don't think you necessarily understand the implication of these intimate feelings, Connor. But maybe that's for the best.

After all, if he truly thought about it, he'd end up being the one to destroy their joy. They couldn't have that.

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There was a split moment to think.

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snorts

bless you

no no bless YOU

ahchew

gives tissue

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