museboxingring | there's a lotta shit hurrrrrr son

there's a lotta shit hurrrrrr son

It was all very beautiful. It had taken precisely twenty minutes before Eirika decided she very much liked the Homestead. Vast land, mountains, rivers, waterfalls, and the very fragrance of the woods. The only forests she had ever known had been claimed by the horrors of the Demon King and finding such peace and tranquility was something she'd not anticipated. In fact, it was almost frightening how at ease she felt. And it was a wonderful way for her 'vacation' away to begin.

Connor's people- she called them fondly, to herself -were good people. Kindhearted, selfless, and they certainly seemed to love Connor a good deal. Why shouldn't they have? From mere conversations, they made the native sound like a hero and Eirika was less than surprised. A matchmaker, a man of many skills, a being of the land, and with a heart as radiant as the very sun. Connor was certainly a hero in more ways than one, and his modesty topped it off perfectly.

Eirika's favourite people were Warren and Prudence. And perhaps that was in part to their son, for Eirika had been given permission to hold him once and fell utterly in love. Not that he was hers, of course, but that it wasn't difficult to picture herself with one. One day. Some day. Although she was certain she heard whispered rumours of just such a thing when she turned her back to rejoin the man responsible for giving her peace of mind. And either Connor didn't, or specifically ignored them. The whole sense of family seemed to be all about them, after all. Which did make her consider that perhaps he had no desire for children, for he already had a family of brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, and so on.

There was something that caught her, however. The woman Connor affectionately referred to as Dobby. She and Connor seemed close and there really was no denying that Dobby quite plainly liked him. Adored him? She had no way of knowing, but there was a significant age difference between her and the woman who seemed quite able to hold her own. Without even really knowing it, a good deal of doubts flooded Eirika's mind. Likely because of her age. Her own capabilities. Her own position.

She really is more suited to him, she thought to herself as she wandered along, unsure specifically of where Connor had gone off to, though it was really Eirika who'd stumbled off for her own solitude and obsessive thoughts. And in the forest, there were plenty of things to get lost in. Like by those said waterfalls Eirika liked so much.

"Pretty, amusing, entertaining, capable," she recited aloud to herself. Hands slipping behind her back, Eirika's head tipped. "I think we couldn't compare."

For the level she is, is above me, regardless of rank and title. I wonder how he feels about her... Perhaps it is not my place to interfere in what she should want. I am still a woman, after all, and I know what eyes say. He may be better off with her than in my care, and I could accept that, even begrudgingly.

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Abrupt was one way of putting it. It was abrupt, but in some odd sort of way, Eirik had grown accustomed to Connor doing just that. As if he meant to catch her off guard intentionally. As if he sometimes meant to test her and she knew he was capable of it and had done it in the past. Of course he had. Had she done the same to him? She wanted to say she had, but she really had no way of truly knowing.

And then just like that, he divided them and the difference between union and 'divorce' was apparent, a sensation that imprinted itself upon her heart, and reminded her how much the very thought of not having Connor in her life made her insides ache. A kind of sorrow she had no desire to entertain, but one she willingly wore because there was nothing else otherwise that she could have done.

Subconscious thought or not, her right hand lifted and settled over her heart momentarily, as if well aware enough of the way he sometimes made it race by doing hardly anything at all. And then it moved to her necklace that she sported with pride, as if she'd had some kind of staked claim over the man, though he was certainly a man and not a piece of land.

"What did you tell her?" she asked him, undeniably curious, but willing not to press if he had no desire to tell her. It wasn't his requirement, after all. He never had to answer to her, regardless of her position. In the end, he never saw her position anyway, and perhaps that was all for the better.

As Connor looked on toward the falls, his hand went to touch the ring that was on the other. The one he had gotten for the holidays at the school among the other gifts friends and acquaintances gave him. Many times through the day he would do this. He would wear it, touch it, read the letters engraved on it, and for all of that was to have it never leave his finger. He could recite the words she put on the ring and it would go through his mind like a pleasant melody. It brought him to peace and it made him think about everything. He wore it with pride.

This ring said a lot about Connor's feelings right now; how he was as willing to let go of the ring as he was to the person who gave it to him. Which wasn't what he was going to do easily.

Also, how he was willing to come to finality to any thoughts he seemed to push aside in the past. Revisit them and hope they made sense. His past with Dobby seemed to make more sense the more he spoke with Eirik about it. In the end, he hoped she would listen before coming to judgment.

"I told her," he started. "I wanted to someday settle down and start a family. Someday. At that time, I knew it might not come soon with much I had still needed to do. I had not...given it serious thought at that time."

Edited 2014-01-02 04:46 (UTC)

It was a somewhat surprising thing to hear from him. Not to say Eirik truly believed that Connor had never given things such thought. Obviously he had at some point before they ever met, just considering what he'd told Dobby. And perhaps he might have thought it when they both explained in their own ways that they wanted a future with one another.

Eirik thought of the future often. She had to. Because that was all she had. At least in accordance with tradition. She didn't know how to live a life that didn't involve her throne or her people or her obligations. She practically relied on the idea of marrying, bearing children, and being an appropriate queen. When her journey with Connor had begun and even when they knew there was some kind of future there, she had done her best to ignore the life she normally would have lived.

"Many... people I think would feel the same way," she replied with a slower nod, clearly still thinking. "Even fleetingly. When you get accustomed to the way a life is, it's hard to imagine it any other way. You've spent your entire life fighting for other people never having a moment for yourself, never really thinking about things you wanted or things you would have liked to have. You always live for the moment right then and there. Because you didn't really know how long you would be about. In a worse case scenario, the present day could be your last one."

Folding her arms over her chest, she continued. "When you live a life like that, you have to do everything you absolutely can that day. Taking things for granted, or people, isn't something you can do. So it would be hard to think of a future, when you're not certain you'll ever have one." Her tone quieted and she found herself eying the ground with some consideration, "...We've both done our share of not thinking too hard about what may come. Usually."

It was eerie how Eirik seemed to read his mind and his heard like she did. It was hard to really make a long retort to it, as it really was just that.

He fiddled with the ring again before turning to her, his eyes looking right at hers. Instead of retorting, he decided to add more to her statement.

"I led a long life of finding answers and solutions to problems that came for my people," he spoke. "Soon enough, my war was over."

He motioned to her again, coming closer.

"But where that left me, I did not know. I thought I knew what I wanted at the time; what all I wanted. My mind was more shrouded before than I could think."

He eyed the floor with her.

"Dobby made a statement to how she wanted me to give her a chance. I agreed then, thinking that would be my answer," he said, with a small sigh. Only because he didn't want to give Eirik a chance to think anything bad.

"An answer to what, I did not feel I knew. I could not see myself with a woman then. I had told you once we started our courtship...I had not known how to be a good partner or what I could do to begin so. "

He continued.

"A while passed...soon enough, Dobby came to me again saying she was not ready for settling down either and that I should really find someone on my own. To this day, I never knew what she meant by such words. She did not seem in pain from it, nor did she seem upset with me. I knew then that I could not be the man for her, whether I felt seriously about a relationship or not."

Edited (WHAT EVEN HAPPEN) 2014-01-03 05:25 (UTC)

She heard him plainly, wondered what to take out of his words, and knew not to question him. She could have. Most of the time she did in one way or another. It was hard to take his words with a grain of salt or at face value, mostly because she knew he didn't always know what she was thinking, or feeling, or pondering.

Her head tipped and eventually her eyes found his. She found herself gazing at his hands temporarily, thinking to how many times she noticed he would fidget with them. As if he was a child. Endearing. She liked it sometimes. He probably didn't know that she knew. Or maybe he did and he simply didn't care.

Her mind traveled somewhat distantly. Briefly anyway. Had he and Dobby been lovers at one point in time? Probably no more lovers than she and Lyon. Or she and Innes. That was to say, not at all, but only that points in her life either of them could have and would have made fine husbands, fine kings, and fine emperors. And she could have been empress. All of that what ifs and what could have been's.

"Someone of your own," Eirik finally managed to echo. "The only person who can ever make a decision like that is you. Only you know who makes you feel so complete. Like the person you've never been, or never thought you could be. A... long time ago, you told me that unions were supposed to be joyous occasions and up until you said it, I only thought it, somewhere deep inside of me. Because I didn't believe in it. I didn't believe it was possible. I didn't believe that was a life I would meet."

Lacing her hands together, she drew in a deep breath and sighed. "I... love you more than the sun and the stars, the moon, the lakes, the rivers, the trees, peace. I love you more than myself, more than my people. More than position. More than my crown. I've... never been happier than I am when I am with you. I can never make a decision for you, but I can tell you, that I've never been complete before you. You never have to say you feel the same and I don't expect it, but... you deserved to hear it from me. If only once."

It was when Eirik spoke such romanticism that caused Connor to slow down his own thinking process. She loved him more than herself, her people, the very ways of the world? To the normal person, it all sounded so silly.

But was it really? Eirik had come in his mind a lot, in many places. He thought about how they could spend a morning, a day, a night. What he could do with her that they could enjoy. Would she like this? That? Was she happy? Sad? Afraid? All those things mattered, and soon Eirik became a part of his life in such a way that he can't think otherwise that it was of high importance. It was as if she became a part of him; and a part of him he didn't want to get rid of.

How to say that, though? Really say it? Then he thought: he should just say it. With a small purse of his lip, he removed the ring from his finger and gazed at it.

"With all of my love, respect, and fidelity. I see those words through all my days," he said as he put the ring back on. "I read it and it soothes me in a way that it feels like it has become something I want to experience and keep experiencing. This ring...means you have become part of my day when I wake to when I sleep. I do not want to lose that nor would I exchange it for anything else."

Maybe he never noticed it and she had no way of knowing how transparent she was, but whenever they started to have conversations akin to the present one, her heart always started to pound. Nerves and anxiety became her closest companions and set her blood to a simmering that she defined often as rare, if not downright foreign. It was the sentiment behind it and baring herself to him that left her vulnerable, unguarded, unprotected, and at her weakest. It was always hard to be like that in his company, because he had more power to crush her spirit than anyone else.

But would he ever...? She wanted to think he wouldn't.

In hearing him, she released a breath that she didn't realise she was holding. And she blushed so hotly because the words she left for him were ones that she didn't easily hear or say. With her love, respect, and fidelity. With her love, respect, and fidelity. The three words were not simple and carried so much weight that just the ring itself was its own kind of burden. It bound her to him and vice versa.

...Why did he wear it? She had expected he would only ever hold onto it. She... never imagined he would wear it. And that surprised her from the beginning up until the current moment.

"...I..." She shifted nervously, because he caught her. "...I am very honoured to have you say such." And if it had been any other situation, she would have curtseyed. It was something paused in the middle of because she felt awkward. He was her... lover? Was that a word to use? Suitor seemed so simple. Lover sounded so passionate.

"...I'm sorry," Eirik shyly replied. "I don't know what to say. I feel... increasingly bashful. In... a good way." As indicated by the way she wove her hands together and stared at them as if they were so fascinating. His eyes were so much more beautiful she thought, but she really disliked letting him see her blush.

Connor disliked her seeing him blushing too, but he was sure she found it endearing. It was like that in vice-versa. Odd how that was, hypocritical a smidget. But it all brought that modest smile to his face.

"You have made me feel that way," he stated.

"Actually, you had steered me from thinking in the dark about..."

He paused, but only briefly. He tried to find a particular word then have it crawl up his throat to let it out.

"...My heart," because it really was hard to say something like that, he was understanding more about what his mother had told him those many weeks ago when he learned about her and Gordon. He admitted that he misjudged; it truly all was hard to say outloud.

But once he did, that feeling of being alive came back like it had before, and then everything felt great. Wonderful even. It helped him move on.

"To that, I can only hope to give you as much as I could. You. No one else."

Hiding most of her face behind her hands, she did return her blue eyes back onto his face. His very handsome and statuesque face. His very impressive sculpted and expressive face. How... long had it really taken her to know she'd fallen in love with him? She couldn't answer that, but she knew looking at him- any part -that she felt so deeply that it was often overwhelming.

The kind of thing she wanted to proclaim so publicly so that everyone in every world might know of her undying and unconditional love.

Eirik nodded and as she put her composure back together, she tried to look a little more authoritative. Her hands lowered, one behind her back and she beckoned to him with the other. "I hear you," she acknowledged through pink cheeks.

"If you would, approach." It sounded diplomatic, but that was only a façade and knowing Connor, he could probably see through it by now.

Connor, on the other, didn't know why she chose to use the diplomatic approach. More over, for such a simple reason as coming closer to her. By now, Connor had tried to learn the signs of when she wanted something. Her cheeks were flushed but granted, so were his a little bit.

It was another "moment" for them: Connor and/or Eirik spilled some of themselves, Eirik tried to act like a regal princess, etc.

Eirik's flushed cheeks could mean much more than she says, and that is what Connor was going to believe.

He was used to this by now, but again, nothing about it he disliked. He welcomed it, actually.

He moved closer, maybe feeling a bit coy. So he decided, again, he should just do it. "If you had wanted something, just say so," he said as he took that hand in both of his. "Or do you not think I know by now when you do?"

"If you had wanted something, just say so."

Her breath caught in her throat when she heard him and she very willingly kept her gaze on the way he held her hand between his. She could have protested. Would have, in any other situation. It wasn't like she didn't think about it.

He was so direct that she felt no other option than to play the fool. Her gaze turned aside and she allowed him to keep her hand. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Because how to be so straight forward to him? Did he not know the effect he had on her? He was a grown man and she was just barely an adult. That might have been the complication with taking so young a girl as a lover- that ability to satisfy her in a plethora of means. Eirik's curiosities existed, but stayed at bay, a distance so far beyond that she truly believed he knew nothing of them.

As she'd intended for them to stay.

To Connor, she was an adult. She acted like one; most of the time. It was times like this that got him to see her as a young woman though, but an endearing one. An endearing one that acted like she was a real person. Not that Princess Eirik wasn't real, but he had made a point time and time again that Eirik was best when she was simply Eirik.

He wished she'd look at him but, again, there was something endearing about her reaction. It was...precious, and amusing.

He gently raised her hand to put his lips to it. He decided to not say anything, if only to see how Eirik would react.

Call him somewhat curious.

It was a rather good way to get her attention. Motions like that were so heartfelt and passionate that it was impossible for her not to feel the slightest bit stirred by the sensation. For her, a kiss against the hand, when it came from Connor made her feel like the surface of a lake. A very small and simple ripple was born and over time it would grow into a vast sensation of anxiety. The kind of anxiety that rendered her chest tight and him almost irresistible.

In those moments if he'd known any better, he could have asked anything of her and she would have given in voluntarily. Almost anything, anyway.

Her gaze returned to him and she drew her lower lip between her teeth, a ginger bite as if to keep herself upright. How could a simple man make her feel like she'd go weak in the knees? Eirik thought it was ridiculous. Her expression, as unreadable as she tried to keep it, held a degree of fondness, adoration, and perhaps a tad of arousal from the way he treated her. Or perhaps it was only that she imagined it was her mouth he was kissing and not simply her hand.

...Must you, she thought as she eyed him lovingly.

A pang went through his spine when she returned the gaze and it went all the way to his toes. What a feeling. His body went numb as he felt almost like a rag doll. It must have been from that look she gave. The look suggested real love, as in, the adoration and the sheer softness from her features.

Eirik could very well reach over and hold his heart physically in her hand and it would have been the same feeling. Eirik had him entranced that way, completely. Like a temptress beckoning him. He could feel his throat close, a fault of his nerves actually getting the better of him internally. He kept a straight face-well no, that modest smile. His heart raced with anxiety with every thump it made.

He had seen how she reacted, now it was a matter of what to do next. She looked at him so lovingly that Connor didn't know whether to kiss her again or see what she did on her own. With every kiss they shared in the past, it was like a small iota of his burdens would leave him for just that moment. Because the world brought him there, kissing her, and that was all that mattered. He would look back when they first decided to court, when they shared their real first kiss, when they first met. So many things would flood his heart and he loved every moment.

Even looking into those eyes, those blue...beautiful blue yes, he felt a trouble leave him. Replacing that trouble was the sensation of wanting more. He passionately pressed his forehead on hers and wrapped his large arms around her small waist. Like a breath, he spoke again from his heart.

"Your eyes..." Connor softly spoke. "You always show such light and kindness in them. It is all still...so surreal to me, I cannot fathom it sometimes. I do not know when it was I starting seeing the light you always gave, but it is something I always see in those eyes."

She grew pliable. In only moments the tension she'd held in her frame, from trying to be a princess and not a woman, she'd surrendered it to him. The so-called strength she held at the level of her crown, and her position. But what it left behind was the way- perhaps as he did -that she wanted more. Like the implication that being against him wasn't enough. That being touched by him wasn't enough. It was the kind of sensation that could drive her to madness and in a good way.

But how to even begin voicing that... She hardly understood why the feeling existed or what it really meant. Only that she felt so incredibly insatiable and greedy that to some degree, she thought love itself could have been a great sin. But oh how she loved the man who birthed the sentiment in her.

Teeth scraping over soft pink, she was still trying to reteach herself how to speak when she left her left hand between them, knowing it did absolutely nothing for the way she practically ached. Her other rested against his side, creeping up along his ribcage, over his shoulder, until she found the very length of his neck. Her weight shifted and she trembled from what she described only as delight.

Drawing the tip of her nose over his, she thought about kissing him. Wanted to, but somehow managed to refrain, for she had a suspicion that if she did, she might not stop. Withdrawing her face from his, she took his cheek into her hand, so he might better eye her. "...And what else do you see, Ratonhnhaké:ton?" She sought nothing in particular, only that he would seduce her with words.

Sometimes, English being a second language had its perks. Connor didn't know the extent of how heavy his words were as they were merely the words taught from his mother. No one seemed to mind the formality, as people were usually shocked he knew English so well in the first place. Not in just speech, but even so far as being able to read and write. None of that within his people was very common. Again, if only he knew that Eirik took as much of a liking as she did. She took pleasure in flustering him before, did she?

His cheek practically nuzzled in her hand, feeling the warmth of it. That small hand making this large, tough, strong man somewhat melt inside...it would be a sight for sore eyes. He closed his eyes a brief moment, at peace and feeling soothed by her touch.

He opened his eyes to realize they were at such close proximity that he wondered if Eirik took notice of his features; or at least, examined them when they were so up close. They were looking at each other so deeply that the two were probably in total synchronization with their hearts and minds. He was seeing much, but as serious as Connor was, he wanted to answer her question even if Eirik didn't really seek answers. His eyes were looking right at her, so she would know he had every intention to answer.

"Spirit. Dedication...I wonder if you realize how much you could inspire the world as you had inspired me."

Oh, you fool.

The fool she loved with every bit of herself. Her attention went in no other direction. It was all for him, every gaze, every moment that they stood there together. Was that what it was like to be in love? It must have been. She had no way of comparing it as she had nothing in her past akin to.

She bothered not to hide the smile that took her features. Grazing her thumb over his cheek, she softened and shook her head slowly. "You did not have to answer that," Eirik explained. "And yet I am not displeased by anything you said."

True, that when she had the opportunity to, she took in all of his features. It was hard not to and when they were so close to one another, she had no other desire than to take advantage of the situation. The sculpting of his features. How he looked when he smiled. For she always wanted to know every part of him. As lovers that was what they were to do, in her opinion.

Where she normally would have asked for his permission, she leaned up to the best of her ability, which didn't require much, and set her lips to his in something of a fleeting and brief kiss, but with no lack of warmth.

He was the biggest fool, the greatest. Eirik was probably one of the few who saw that as she did and gave a smile. It all hardly ever mattered to him anyway, if at all. People could see him as the fool all they wanted. If he cared, he would have stopped everything he was doing a long time ago.

Connor's features still softened the more she looked and touched him like she was. He was becoming softer and softer...Almost defenseless. Again, completely fine with it right now. He let out a small sigh, as his cheek was grazed, before deciding he was to take a hand of his to gently have her keep the hand where it was. He liked it right where it was, happy where it was. His other arm was still wrapped around his waist.

All of which meant it was okay for her to give him that kiss. The brief but warm kiss.

He just...kept on smiling at her. Under her "spell" of complete adoration.

Edited 2014-01-08 05:59 (UTC)

To the outside eye, they probably looked as cosy as they actually were. She didn't doubt that. Sometime along the pathway, she'd stopped giving much thought to how anyone else might have viewed them. At least, no longer. Once upon a time she did, however, and she knew he must have as well. Discretion had been something they both practised, and somehow that faded into less an apathetic response and more that they simply loved each other so that they cared not who saw it.

She'd had a thought to draw away, which she did, for in heavier moments, Eirik thought it wisest to indulge only a little at a time, for she had the suspicion that to some degree, her discipline would break. And that was something she was either trying to hide from him, or simply grasping onto tightly in favour of keeping his comfort at the forefront of her mind. Whatever the case, the way he held her hand in place, kept the rest of her as well, and reminded her once more of how small she was beside him. If not in height then surely in muscle mass.

In short, easily broken.

As he kept her eyes, she wondered if she was to kiss him again, or what he wanted. He looked so... open to... ideas. As if he only wanted her near him. Perhaps because he was concerned about losing her. She wondered if she made him complete. And she wondered if the difference between them was that she'd willingly let him go if she had to.

"...Yes?" she managed to breathe out, though more than a little lost for words. "...Is... there something you would like...?"

Who knew whom was watching? Connor didn't care, he really didn't. In fact, he didn't even care enough to answer that question. He almost thought of repeating what was said to him before in the past, how "she should know by now". But he decided not to.

Sorry Eirik, he had no words either. He kept her hand there with his one hand but he made a reach for her chin with the other.

Nothing she couldn't give, that was the real answer, but he did know what he wanted. Something he had enjoyed so much these days.

An emotional talk turned into making them ever so closer, how strange. Funny, even.

He decided the chin graze would be a clue. He wouldn't utter word.

Oh.

It was an answer enough. Something about the way he didn't even say anything had her minutely captured. Caught enough that for many moments, she said and did nothing. Not because she didn't know what he wanted, but rather that she did know.

How far they had come.
How simple it was for her to surrender to him.

If Connor had been the enemy, then she all too willingly would have given up her country. All for the sake of love. And he could have destroyed her. Yet she knew well enough that who they were to one another would result in no such thing.

A kiss what what he wanted, and a kiss was precisely what she gave him.

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there's a lotta shit hurrrrrr son

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